Marginalized

I signed up for 3 different survey groups online. These are organizations which conduct consumer and other research and contact you by e-mail when they have a survey for you. They can be on a variety of topics from what movies you watch, to what brands of cereal you buy to how likely you are to get a new cell phone and service.

Of course, virtually all of them start with basic demographic questions like what kind of work you do, how much you earned last year, gender, ethnicity and your age. I’m white, male, 57. Nobody gives a crap about my opinion or my consumer habits.

Maybe it’s because they think I’m old? All the surveys have pretty narrow bands of age—like 18-25, 25-35, etc. But usually it’s combined with 50-65 or 55+. Yep, I’m pretty sure that they think that older white guys don’t count.

Well, I have to agree. I just want a cell phone where I can make a call, get a call, leave a message or get a message. No G3 or internet. And I wear glasses so why would I want to watch TV on a 2” screen? Surveys don’t seem to like it that I couldn’t care less about most brands of cereal. I don’t need a 14 ounce, $5 box of designer “sticks and twigs” with almonds and dried cranberries. Give me my $2 box of fake Cheerios—that keeps me out of trouble with my doctor who wants me to eat more fiber to keep my cholesterol under control.

But here’s what the surveys miss—I can read right through the hyperbole and B.S. of most advertising. It’s not that I’m immune; I’m just not going to be that swayed by it. I can definitely differentiate between Enzyte and Extenz although I’m not going to get either of them. And since when do men have to use “body wash” in the shower—whatever happened to plain old Irish Spring or Ivory? For crying out loud, I use unscented deodorant! I don’t want my armpits to smell like anything—no b.o. and no fresh scent and no pine fresh (if I want pine fresh I’ll stick those pine tree thingeys you use in cars under my pits)

The other thing surveys miss—I can buy whatever I want and make my own decision. There’s just not that much that I want. My generation is getting older, and it’s a big generation. We’re still working, still spending money and still enjoying life. The kids—yeah they’re the ones targeted by advertising and the surveys. They have to have all the new cool stuff. So how about getting some cool, hip-hop guy to plug IRA accounts for the 20 year olds instead of some cool, hip-hop chick to shill for Axe? Makes sense to me. I don’t even listen to Sam Waterston so why would a youngster?

Anyway, I’m tired of being marginalized by these surveys and by media advertising. But, maybe that’s OK. If they were targeting me, it wouldn’t work—although fast food joints have now discovered the virtues of advertising their $1 menus, something that "cheapbastids" like me discovered a while back.

The bottom line? I may have been marginalized because I’m over 55. I’m cynical rather than gullible. But, I buy stuff. And I have money. But I’m not going to piss it away. So there.

Mulligans

I’ve done a little recreational golfing in my day. Truth is, I’m lousy at it but long ago I reconciled myself to the notion that the only way to enjoy it is to accept that fact and not get bent out of shape by the drives that fly away curving as though the ball has “Chiquita Banana” printed on it rather than MaxFli or Titelist or by 7-iron shots that are mis-hit and travel maybe 30 yards resulting in an opportunity for an 8-iron shot followed by a wedge, then a sand wedge.

Once at a golf outing, after having shot 146 for 18 I was presented with the prize for the highest score, a rod and reel and the suggestion that I try another recreational sport. I’ve caught more crappie and perch with the rod and reel than I’ve ever had success with a golf club.

At golf outings and in recreational 4-somes there’s usually an opportunity to take a “Mulligan” on a drive, typically one per round or one per 9 holes. It’s a chance to “do-over” a particularly gruesome drive and try to improve (sometimes my Mulligan shots have been worse than the original drive).

Sometimes when I let my mind wander, the thought has occurred to me that it would sure be nice to have a Mulligan in life occasionally. We tend to suffer from our bad decisions, impulses gone awry or our complacency. Wouldn’t we all be better off if we could do a Mulligan. Wouldn’t it be even better if those around us would grant us the grace to exercise a Mulligan and try again to do things differently and achieve the outcome we’d like to have. Wouldn’t it be great if we could use a Mulligan in our personal lives, in our relationships to make better decisions, to be more loving, to be kinder, to be more tolerant, to be more forgiving, to be gentler.

I’ve known people who have absolutely screwed up everything they’ve ever tried. People for whom, if it weren’t for bad judgment would have no judgment at all. People who have given up on themselves and on whom other people have given up as well. Don’t they deserve a Mulligan?

It’s something to keep in the back of your mind. Everyone is deserving of a Mulligan—an opportunity to try again. One thing I believe is that God grants each and every one of us as many Mulligans as we need to get things right. No matter how many bad choices or decisions we make. No matter how badly we have screwed up our lives or our careers. God will give us an unlimited amount of Mulligans. And the good thing is, we only have to get it right once—just once.

I’ve often thought that if God grants us an unlimited amount of Mulligans, then can’t we all try to be a little more like God and allow others extra Mulligans—even when there’s a big part of us that wants to write the person off, to discard him or her as a loser.
Wouldn’t the world be a better place if we could do that. Mulligans are great in golf. They’re even better when applied to the human condition.