Cheap Bastid's Kindle My Fanny

I love to read. I read a couple of newspapers every day. I constantly have at least one book that I’m working my way through. I read magazines (although I cancelled my subscription to Newsweek—they keep sending it). And I like to peruse my growing collection of cookbooks (Mrs. CB got me Vol. 1&2 of Alton Brown’s “Good Eats” books for Christmas).

I enjoy thrillers and mysteries; historical novels and what my daughter has always referred to as “bomb books”—war novels. Plus, I like biographies of historical figures—but rarely “biographies” of current politicians, although I read both of Obama’s books. Gerald Ford’s “Write it After I’m Gone” was really good. And I recently read a really good book about the U.S. Supreme Court called “The Nine”—kind of catching us up 30 years after Robert Woodward’s “The Brethren”.


By now, you might be wondering: “What’s his point?” Don’t worry I’ve got one. It has nothing to do with the sorry state of reading skills of our nation’s youngsters. It has to do with that other persona of mine—Cheap Bastid. It has to do with technology. Uh ohh, here it comes.



Yep, I’m taking a swipe at the “Kindle” and the “Nook”.

I can go and buy books at Barnes and Noble for about ten bucks (paperbacks of course—hardcover kills too many trees. Bullcrap, hardcovers cost too damn much for this Cheap Bastid). I can get them for a lot cheaper at Costco (assuming they have a title I want to read—seems like they’ve been skewing towards Beck and Palin and Bush43. Does that tell you something about their demographic?). And I can go to a neighborhood used bookstore and get lots of books for $1 each.

But that’s apparently not good enough anymore. I’m supposed to go out and spend $139 for a Kindle or Nook ($249 for color) so that I can read a book on a plastic, computerized machine. And…and…and I guess I’m supposed to keep on paying $9.99 per book for the privilege of loading it onto my nifty-keen plastic machine so that I can read it anywhere/anytime.

Am I missing something here? Does this seem odd? Why can’t I just keep on buying books at Barnes and Noble on Amazon at the used book store or even checking them out at the library without having to get some new damn gadget?

Am I some sort of anti-technology dinosaur? Is Guttenburg rolling over in his grave? Hell no, I just like reading and I’m a Cheap Bastid.

For the life of me I can’t see the sense in some $140 gadget. TV commercials are showing people sitting on lounge chairs at a pool comparing readers. What if I’m sitting by the pool reading and want to go jump in the pool? Odds are no one gives enough of a rat’s behind to swipe my paperback novel. But they might want to swipe my Nook or Kindle. So I’ve got a security issue.



And what if I’m on a plane? I’ve inadvertently left books behind on airplanes. No big deal, I can replace it for about ten bucks. What if I leave my Kindle behind? Good luck! I’m not getting it back and now I’m out a hundred and forty bucks, plus the ten bucks for the book.

And it just seems wrong to me to go into the bathroom to sit on the stool and “read” for 10 or 15 minutes, elbows on knees using Nook. I don’t know why but that’s just wrong. A magazine’s OK, a book’s OK but a gadget? Naw, not for this Cheap Bastid. It ain’t manly or something.

Lest I forget, now you can get your newspaper on a Kindle. Rupert Murdoch has even announced a new electronic only newspaper available only on i-Pad. Good for him. Give me my newspaper exactly the way the name implies—NEWS on Paper! So it’s awkward. It’s always been like that. I just can’t see reading the paperless electronic paper on a Kindle in one hand with either a cup of coffee or a cigarette in the other while I’m out on my balcony in the morning. If I drop the paper over the balcony I just go down and retrieve it, some what embarrassed. If I drop the Nook, it’s going to explode when it hits the pavement. And what if I “forget” and let the battery run down like what happens occasionally to my cell phone?

And, don’t try to tell me about the convenience of it. That all I have to do is go online and download the book to my Kindle or Nook. That would be all right if I were agoraphobic. Every once in a while you need to browse the offerings to see all those books and mingle with the people who are doing the same thing you are.

This is just freaking technology run amok. It’s another way to get ever deeper into our pockets. I saw on Google a listing for Kindle books. “Over 2 million titles available,” it said. “Thousands are free,” it concluded. Whoopdee-dingo-crap.

It seems to me that what’s been going on the last several years with computers and phones and HDTVs, etc. is just refinements to technology, cleverly marketed to get ever deeper into our pockets. And don’t get me started (yet) on cell phone programs and “bundled” cable service—that’s a different rant altogether.

I condescend to read some news online and to read blogposts, etc. But after a few hours of that it feels like my eyes are being sucked out of my head.

Just watch, I’ve ranted about this now and within 2 years will probably be like the rest of the world, dragged into the world of reading on a Kindle or Nook. I may end up doing it. But, I’m not going to like it. Everyone in my family knows that if they want to give me a gift I’ll use and appreciate, make it a giftcard to Barnes and Noble.

And there will be those who sanctimoniously point out to me the convenience of these devices. They’ll suggest that new technology is designed to improve our lives. Maybe. But I’m not convinced that this is anything other than the next thing out there to lighten our wallets without providing a tangible value. The value of the words and ideas are the same. The entertainment value is the same. It’s just that I’m going to end up paying more. And that doesn’t make sense to this old Cheap Bastid.

So, until I have to, I ain’t going to use something like a Kindle or Nook. The only “reader” I need is something with a cover and pages of paper with squiggles of ink on it that make up the words and ideas.

Hey Barnes & Noble! (Cheap Bastid Strikes Again)

For some reason, when I mentioned Barnes & Noble in my last blog-post it reminded me that this year I finally bit the bullet and joined their “club”. You know, the one where you give them $25 at the beginning of the year and then you get 10% off all your purchases (I think it’s more on hardcover books but remember, I’m the “Cheap Bastid” I don't buy hardcovers unless they're in the "bargain bin" for less that paperbacks.)

So anyway, I have resisted for years simply on moral principal. I think it’s extortion to have to pay for a discount. Are you paying attention to this Barnes and Noble? Think about it. Southwest Airlines didn’t charge me for joining Rapid Rewards and they give me free airplane tickets. Hilton Honors didn’t charge me to join and gives me points for free stays at their hotels. Subway never charged for their card and gave free sandwiches after you had bought a dozen or 10 or something. Even my barber, Ed, has a card. He punches a hole each time I go in for a haircut and the 10th one is free. But Barnes & Noble charged me $25 and for years I resisted. The only reason I bought it this year was that I got a $25 gift card for Christmas so it "technically" didn’t cost me anything (the “Cheap Bastid” thing again).

I’ve still got a problem with it though. After I spend $250 this year at Barnes & Noble I’ll actually start getting ahead. That’s no problem. I’m in there every couple of weeks and buy 2 or 3 paperbacks so I’ll spend about $500 this year. But it still bugs my butt. Of course, that’s kind of the problem with me. The “Cheap Bastid” won’t do it. If I were the “Frugal Bastid”, I’d have joined long ago.

Come up with a different plan, Barnes & Noble. You know every transaction I make at your store. Each time I swipe my membership card or give you my phone number instead of the card you also record exactly what I’m buying which also means that you know how much I’m spending. How do I know that you know? Simple. I get e-mails asking me to write reviews of the books I’ve bought. So, if Barnes & Noble knows what books I’ve bought, they also know how much I paid. Which means that they can change the way they do their membership/frequent buyer/loyalty program.

How about telling me that I get a card for free—just for signing up like frequent flyer or car rental or hotel programs. Then when I’ve spent $250 give me a discount. Even better give me a discount right away and really reward my loyalty. If you don’t want me going to Borders, make it worth my while. I might be gullible but I’m not totally dumb.

So, right around the first of the year, I was in Barnes & Noble. I stepped up to the counter with my books and gift card. The young woman asked if I were a member and I said no. She asked if I wanted to join and started to explain the program. I interrupted and told her that I was going to join but that it was “under duress”. Her response (and I’m not making this up) was, “Oh, that’s nice.”

So, in about 2 more months, I will actually be money ahead with my discount card membership at Barnes & Noble. Now if I can only make sure that someone gives me another $25 B&N gift card this Christmas so the membership is “free” in 2010—someone other than my wife. That’s the “Cheap Bastid” way.

It's the Economy, Stupid

Isn’t it about time we dust off that famous/infamous quote from George H. W. Bush (the President I have referred to for the last 8+ years as Bush the Elder) and apply it to the debacle that many of us are living/suffering through?

Yep, it’s the economy, stupid! I’m not even going to get started on how this unmitigated disaster got started but rather I’m going to write just a bit on how it’s affecting at least this household and what we’re doing about it.

First of all, I haven’t worked in 3 months. Worse, I was an independent contractor so no unemployment comp. That sucks. Even worse, in spite of dozens and dozens of job applications I haven’t come close to anything yet expect for “warm body” jobs prospecting and cold-calling within a high pressure sales environment.

So, what are we doing? Well, we were pretty frugal to begin with. Not much into luxuries and gratuitous expenditures. But, we’ve managed to cut back pretty good although by the time we get done with fixed expenses each month (rent, utilities, car insurance, health insurance and groceries) we’re still pushing $3000 a month and that’s scary.

We haven’t gone out to eat (or even $1 Whopper Junior carry-out) this year. We used to love going out for breakfast at least once a week at Vista Way Café—and it was a business meeting too when we would talk about what we needed to get done, bills to be paid, etc. typically on the morning a business trip would start for me. We don’t go shopping (we never did much to begin with) except for the grocery store, dollar store and occasional sojourns to Barnes & Noble.

By the way, think about the Barnes & Noble or Borders thing. A paperback novel costs about $8. It’ll take somewhere on the order of 8 to 10 hours or so to read (that’s actual time spent reading). That’s versus going to a movie which will set you back $10 or even renting a movie for $5 both of which provide only about 2 hours worth of entertainment. Plus you’re going to occupy about an hour of your time just going to the bookstore and making your selection.

So what else are we doing—not a whole lot different. My car was paid off a year ago so we don’t owe money on it. It’s too bad I’m not working because then either we could be putting the same amount of money into my IRA or saving it for a down payment on the next car.

Our grocery bill is about the same—even though we’re eating all of our meals at home. Last night I grilled loin chops and asparagus. Let’s do the math—2 loin chops are about a pound and a half of meat and cost about $4; the asparagus came from the dollar store (believe it or not you can get fresh asparagus in season at the dollar store and it’s enough for 2 meals for 2 people). So for less than $5 I did a full meal including chimichurri sauce on the side. At a restaurant that same meal is about $30 for 2. Tonight I’m going to make homemade pizza (do the math—homemade pizza crust costs about 50 cents to make plus maybe 1 to 2 bucks worth of other ingredients). And the grocery store will grind meat for free--London Broil is on special this week for $1.67/lb. which means 90%+ lean ground beef for $2 a pound less than if you buy their hamburger.

We’re not going anywhere so I haven’t filled up with gas in a month—and I’ve only been putting in about a half tank. A trip to Costco is a major 5 mile round-trip adventure--especially at the right time of day when, if you're lucky, you can get lunch from the free samples.

Well, I guess I’m not doing much to help spend our way out of this economic mess. Tough! I wish someone would give me a big, whopping bonus for screwing up. Maybe if I opened up the Bank of Walt I could get some bail-out dollars. Someone made off with a third of my IRA and I’d like it back but I know that’s not going to happen.

So yeah, it’s the economy, stupid. There’s a bunch of people in the same situation we’re in. And a lot of them are my age which is even scarier. But, like the State Farm ad—things will get better. I’m just hoping that they don’t get a whole lot worse before they get better. And, I would like to know WHEN!