Iowa Caucuses--Gotta Know the Territory, Territory, Territory

Here we are, January 3, 2012. It’s Iowa Caucus night. It’s the night Republican contenders/wannabes/candidates have been anticipating for months now. Regrettably the preening and posturing is just getting into high gear.

Most Americans, I think, wonder why the process of nominating a candidate starts in such an unassuming state like Iowa or New Hampshire. After all, these places really “don’t count”. Or do they?

And, Iowa’s not even a primary. It’s a damned caucus for crying out loud. What’s a caucus anyway? I did the Iowa caucuses 3 times over a 12 year period of living in Iowa. They were a fascinating experience. All 3 of them were as a Republican even though I was almost invariably the most liberal person in the room. (In Iowa a pro-choice Republican is like being a fiscally conservative Democrat).

But wouldn’t it be nice to have some sort of rule that says the candidates can’t even begin to posture and preen and sling manure until after Halloween the year before primary season? If that were the case, the only “losers” would be the media—both “news” and advertising.

Here’s the thing as far as I’m concerned: Meredith Wilson wrote a wonderful musical set in Iowa (he was from Mason City, after-all) called “The Music Man”. Professor Harold Hill gave all traveling salesmen a bad name. Why? Because as the opening number in the musical said, “he doesn’t know the territory, territory, territory.”



But I digress. Yes, indeed Iowa’s caucuses count. I remember the caucus season in 1983 (damn, I’m old, aren’t I?) when I was living and running the local Chamber of Commerce and Economic Development Corporation in Algona, Iowa—population 6,000. This was the year that Democrats were trying to wrest the White House from Ronald Reagan who had defeated incumbent Jimmy Carter in 1980. Walter Mondale, Carter’s VP, secured the nomination.

One of the things I remember best was John Glenn coming into town to a gathering at the Chrome Country Café—a truck stop at the junction of Highways 169 and 18. There were about 20 people who showed up—mostly older farmers and their families along with a smattering of business types from town. Glenn showed up in a van, with a retinue of maybe 3 people accompanying him. And no media—other than the local reporters from newspaper and radio station.

It was a conversation over coffee. What were people actually thinking? What did they want? How was Glenn going to help provide that? It was a time for a very short “stump speech” and lots of feedback. And that’s what the caucuses are all about—putting a human face on the candidate; expecting the candidate to do this thing called listening.

Now, the expectation is for the candidate to strut their stuff and address their “core” or their “base”. Hell if they want to do something with their core, they should do crunches and planks.

Yeah, Iowa is a largely rural state (unless you live in Des Moines or Waterloo or Cedar Rapids and think the world revolves around your city). And indeed, many in the larger cities started out in small towns. But the caucuses are about interaction. They’ve been bastardized by the changes in the process over the years.

My last caucus was in the late 90’s when “W” was going after the nomination. By then the process had become totally centered on the media and mean-spirited. And it has only gotten worse.

Here’s the thing—Iowans tend to be “what you see is what you get”. They have a fairly low bullshit tolerance. This is a state which has consistently re-elected arguably one of the U.S. Senate’s most liberal members, Tom Harkin and one of it’s most conservative members, Chuck Grassley to term after term.

Why? Because each, in his own way, speaks to the people of this state. Each is passionate about his beliefs and yet shares the root values of the state. The cross-over vote each time one is up for re-election is phenomenal. Republicans routinely vote for Harkin and Democrats for Grassley.

Yeah, Iowa counts. But I don’t think the current crop of contenders really understand the how or why of it. Wouldn’t it be nice if they made an effort to know the “territory, territory, territory.” Maybe then they’d be able to muster the ability to actually do something productive and positive.

Obama's Health Report--Let the Man Smoke!

Yesterday some of the results of President Obama’s physical exam came to light. His “bad” cholesterol is up and there was veiled reference to his continuing efforts to stop smoking.

There was also mention of how his smoking and apparent eating of “bad foods” are a bad example to the nation, in particular to Michelle Obama’s new crusade on childhood obesity and the health risks of smoking. Oh, and he likes his cocktails too.

Oh for crying out, damn loud!

Let the guy eat whatever he wants and smoke like a chimney if he wants. This guy’s got a tough job made much tougher by all the a-holes he has to contend with each day who try to stymie and stifle his efforts every step of the way. He’s scrawny. He works out.

Does he go outside to smoke? Is that why he’s always walking Beau? I could care less if he lit one up during a photo opportunity with the poster wheezer for the Emphysema Society. If he wants to chainsmoke or puff a hookah during a Cabinet meeting or a meeting with the military Chiefs of Staff, let him. They’re big boys. They work for him. Tough toenails.

Might his smoking harm some of the antiques that are undoubtedly in his office? Who cares. It’s old crap anyway which I’m sure has been exposed to its share of smoke over the centuries. Besides, there’s a minor army of people on the government payroll whose job it is to restore that stuff.

Get together with anyone you want Obama and go out and “burn one”. Sit in the Oval Office, chug a brewski and smoke a Camel straight. One rule. Use an ashtray. Michelle would be P.O.’d if you burned or spilled on that carpet with the seal in it (that’ll be going to a museum someday).

You’ve got a mess with health care legislation. You’ve got 2 wars still going on. You’ve got jerks criticizing every damn thing you do. And, you’ve been kind of vacillating because you hate to tick anyone off.

OK, so here’s what you do: Sit back and start telling yourself, “I’m the President. I’ve got a lot of crap to get done. I’ve got 59 votes in the Senate. So work with me Republicans or you can all go and screw yourselves. The buck stops here. FDR and Truman were smoking fiends.”

Light up a butt. Blow smoke rings. Smoke as much as you want. Just get something done. Drink a Bud and eat some chips (chip crumbs are OK on the carpet in the Oval Office because they’ll vacuum right up).


And besides, if you start using nicotine lozenges or gum, you’re going to stink up the Oval Office and Cabinet rooms even worse with the nasty gas it’ll give you. And there’s way too much nasty gas in Washington, D.C. already.

On Dealing With Jackasses Opinions--Turn the Idiots Off!

Back in the mid-90’s I was officially a Republican. A liberal Republican but a Republican just the same—and I had been for nearly 20 years (at least officially).

Republicans were Liberal & Democrats were Radical
I became a Republican in Grad school when the Democrats in my district just got too damn socialistically liberal for me (envision how liberal Democrats in a district mainly populated by a university, its students and faculty can be). So I switched.

The Republicans of this district were actually plenty liberal for me and had the added advantage of being fiscally conservative. Let’s put it this way, this district’s Republicans were “pro-choice” and because my research and thesis dealt with the topic I was always the designated speaker on this issue.

Bailing Out
I bailed out of the Republican Party in the 1995 election (the election for Clinton’s 2nd term). It was mainly because this district and county organization in Iowa was reflective of the tone of the party. It had gotten mean. And narrow. And insulting to anyone who did not agree. I remember getting up at the County Convention (after already having been elected as a delegate to the State Convention) and leaving, never to return.

The reason was the abject homophobia of one of the primary issue speakers who said that homosexual teachers, scout leaders, etc. should be harassed, outed and embarrassed so that they would quit their roles or jobs in order to keep them from “recruiting” our kids for their agenda. And he introduced a resolution calling for a law which would endorse this position and prohibit homosexuals from these positions either paid or volunteer.

I was appalled. I got up and left. I dropped my credentials in the garbage. I found my son, 14 at the time, who was participating in the “youth” convention and told him he could stay or leave, it was up to him. He stayed and I respected his decision. But, I haven’t looked back. Neither have I had any inclination to 2nd guess my decision to officially return to my more liberal roots.

So, where am I heading with this drivel? From that time onward I had little concern for anything that most conservatives would utter or publish or broadcast. I paid attention because I’ve always been politically aware and involved and you have to have knowledge of both sides.

Fast Forward to Today
But I don’t need the crap. In fact, I don’t need the crap from either side. When I encounter something like Rush Limbaugh’s “Uranus” quote from yesterday, I ignore it. I don’t need the crap. By the same token, I really don’t know what type of garbage Glenn Beck, Pat Buchanan, Ann Coulter, Rush Limbaugh, Lou Dobbs or Bill O’Reilly are spewing because I don’t pay attention to them. Why should I? They’re jackasses.

And on the other side of the coin I don’t really pay attention to Maureen Dowd, Bill Moyers, Chris Matthews, James Carville or Rachael Maddow. Their’s is just crap from a different perspective.

You see, I’ve got this thingy with buttons on it called a “remote control”. I use it! If I use it to stop at Fox News it’s for a pause to see what kind of ludicrous drivel is being spouted now. I do the same for Jon Stewart (although the pause is longer—sometimes for 5 or 10 minutes because he’s genuinely funny.

I don’t need that level of aggravation. What’s going on in our world is aggravating enough. But I prefer “straight news”. I don’t need the filter of a commentator—of a “talking head”. I can assimilate the information on my own, thank you.

Consequently, I feel no need to rant and rail against what poison the a-holes are spewing now. And I feel no compulsion to engage in acrimonious debate with impassioned adherents of either spectrum. I just kind of smile and move on.

I lived in the Upper Midwest or 30 years. There’s an old saying there: “Don’t get in a wrestling contest with a hog. You get all muddy and the hog likes it.”

Turn 'Em Off!
So, just turn the jerks off—whatever opinion you define a being jerky. When you do that, there will be no need to respond in kind to all the idiots and lunacy that passes for political insightfulness. There will be no need to publish asinine remarks like “Robert Novak is Dead, Yay!”

I find the “neo-Cons” to be repulsive. But I advocate my own agenda. I don’t try to counter theirs. (Think of the times you’ve been in a dispute with your spouse and you say, “Yeah, but…” Guess what? As soon as you say that, you’ve lost. You’re done. You’re toast.) I just don’t need the aggravation and consternation.

Stay above the crap. Just turn it off. Go to the source of the news rather than let some “talking head” digest it for you. Ignore any story with a screen crawl saying “breaking news” or “developing news” because it isn’t.

And guess what? If enough of us turn the idiots off, they'll lose viewers and ratings points. They'll lose sponsors and advertisers. They'll be OFF the air!

It’s like my Father used to say (usually in the midst of ending an argument with me as a teen), “Opinions are like asses. Everybody has one.”