Cheap Bastid's When McDonald's Becomes Comfort Food

Last Wednesday night, I had promised to make spaghetti with home-made meatballs—and believe me, I can make some wicked good meatballs. Well, when I got home from work, Carolyn and I got talking.

She’d had kind of a bummer of a day. She was still trying to get things done with her Mother’s house and that afternoon we took care of the 2 cars that were occupying the garage, selling them to a guy I know who owns an auto repair shop who offered to take them off our hands. And the day before, Carolyn had taken Stucco, the dog, to the ASPCA shelter. So she was a bit bummed by the finality of things—and the house which now lacked occupants or life.

So, with just a minimum of whining, I let her talk me into a treat for dinner for her. For Cheap Bastid, a treat for dinner is a trip to McDonald’s for some McDoubles. I was dispatched to get a half dozen McDoubles off the dollar menu for the 2 of us and step-daughter Meg along with fries. OK, not bad. It’s reasonably inexpensive.

I got home with them while they were still hot. OK, they were warm—what passes for hot at the “golden arches”.

We dug in. Oh man, it was a burger orgy. Now I make a pretty mean burger either in a skillet or on the grill. But every once in a while you just get a jones on for a “gut bomb”. You taste the grease—beef fat—and you taste some salt as you chomp into the brownish-grey blob of meat. As the meaty fat hits your palate you get a hit from the pickle and mustard and then a dollop of sweet from the ketchup. And you feel guilty. You know this isn’t “good food”. It would make a true foo-foo foodie barf—but they don’t know what they’re missing while they’re chomping their $30 Wagu beef burger on a fresh-made "artisan" roll.

Then after a bite or 2 you dive into the fries. They’re perfectly golden—you can never get that perfect shade of yellow-gold at home. Salty. A hint of crisp on the outside and tender ‘tater on the inside. These are heaven. It’s no wonder that McDonald’s has a reputation for making the best “fast-food” joint fries.

Oh, and by the way, why is it called “fast-food”? It took 6 minutes from the time I placed the order for 6 McDoubles and 3 large fries for them to appear in a sack in my hand. I don’t call that “fast food”. I remember as a kid ordering them at a walk-up window at McDonalds. A dime for a burger and twelve cents for a cheeseburger. The person in the window processed the order, took the money, turned around, grabbed the grub, flipped in a bag and handed it to you. All in about 15 seconds. That’s fast food, Bubba.

But what would a Cheap Bastid piece be without some sort of rant? A double-cheeseburger is still a “value” at $1. And, if I were smart, I would have opted for the $1 small fries. But no, I wanted lots of fries and ordered 3 large fries, one for each of us. They’re $2.50 apiece! Damn!

I can get 10 lbs of potatoes for $2.99! $2.50 for a large fry? They’ve got to be making at least 2 bucks for each order. Holy crap! Two-fifty! My six bucks for the double-cheeses ended up being right at $15 by the time I was done. How damn stupid am I? And I didn’t even order sodas—no way, I’ve got soda at home. Cans for the “girls” and my 2 liter bottle of Vernor’s for me.
Yeah, I know, they’re good! But, I just Googled the calorie count in a large order of fries from MickeyD’s. 570. That’s a lot. Damn, they’re good. But that’s a lot. And there’s 30g of fat. And there’s 390 calories in each McDouble. That’s 1350 calories. And I wonder why I’ve been gaining weight.

But…Yeah, here comes the but…they’re good. An occasional binge on McDoubles and fries isn’t all that bad. Or is it?

But, (here’s the real but), when your wife needs a special comfort food—like McDoubles and fries—because she’s bummed from losing her mother and is having to take care of a lot of stuff from the estate, it’s worth it.

And...have you ever noticed that all the pictures in ads for McDonald's fries show the fries over-flowing the container? And when you fish your fries out of the bag they don't even get up to the front lip? Are we getting hosed? Oh yeah, a two-fifty hosing!

So, do you think we overdid it with the bowls of ice cream an hour later? Naw, me either.

And that’s the Cheap Bastid Way: Eat Good. Eat Cheap. Be Grateful.

Cheap Bastid's Taters on the Cheap

So, last week I’m checking the grocery specials for Stater Brothers. I do that every week as I’m planning the week’s round of grocery shopping and potential meal ideas. London Broil was on special for $1.88/lb and that was good. But, no soda was on 3 for $10 so Carolyn is going to have to ration her remaining Pepsi products (have you noticed a big spike in soda prices lately? Geez, it’s gotten ridiculous and I’m glad that I rarely drink it).

What got my attention was the special for Ore Ida frozen fries. The ad was offering 20 to 32 ounce bags of Ore Ida fries for $2.99--$1.00 off. Now wait a minute. I buy a 10 lb. bag of potatoes for $2.49. That’s a quarter a pound. These frozen fries are $1.50 a pound—on special. Now, if I go by prices at fast food places, their fries are probably more like $8.00 a pound (I’m guessing that the fries on the dollar menu fries are 2 ounces).

I make roasted fries all the time—mainly because they taste better. In my life I’ve tossed lots of frozen fries onto a cookie sheet and popped them in the oven. So, do you want to save some money? Make your own fries. It’s really easy.

These oven fries (and I like the big, wedgie ones) are really tasty. I do them in the oven and I do them in a pan on my grill too. Your basic frozen fry takes about 20 minutes in a 400-425 degree oven. These take 20-30 minutes at 425—and if you cut them the size of regular fries they’ll be done in 20 minutes or less too. There’s 5 minutes of prep rather than the 30 seconds to cut open the bag and dump the frozen fry on the cookie sheet. But…

The “but” is the big thing. I’m talking 25 cents a pound not $1.50. Do the math. If you make these once a week for a year—a pound each time (and that’s conservative) you can save
$65 a year. That’s real money. For us, it’s a week’s groceries—free. Saving money on your food bill isn’t hard—it’s just common sense.

Cheap Bastid’s Oven Fries (for 2)

3 medium potatoes—about 1 lb
A couple of good glugs of cooking oil
Seasonings
Medium bowl
Cookie sheet

Preheat oven to 425. Rinse potatoes well and pick off any “eyes” that are sprouting (I just use my thumbnail). Pat dry with a paper towel. Cut each potato (using a good chef’s knife with a bit of heft) into 4 quarters--lengthwise once, then rotate 90 degrees and lengthwise again. That’s 4 big wedges, then cut each wedge for a total of 8. If you want regular size fries cut the potato into thirds then cut each of those into about 3/8” strips.

Put cut potatoes into the bowl. Pour a couple of good glugs of oil over them—2 to 3 tablespoons worth. Season the potatoes. Use kosher salt or salt and pepper or some garlic powder and dried parsley or salt and cayenne/chipotle for a bit more kick (I like that hint of heat that cayenne gives). Reach into the bowl with your hand and thoroughly mix potatoes so that they have a light coating of the oil. Now, dump the whole shebang onto a cookie sheet (preheat the sheet of you want but it’s not really necessary) and spread into one layer. Pop into the oven for about 12 minutes if you’re making wedges or about 8 if you’re making fries. Remove from oven and flip the fries over then put them back in for another 8-10 minutes until golden or medium brown.

This is going to make wedge or steak fries that have a crisp outside and are puffy and hot inside. They’re delicious. It might take you a couple of times to get your timing down so they come out the way you want them and not overdone. But, you’ll enjoy the taste. If your kids don’t want them because they’re neither MickyDees nor frozen that’s OK! That means more for you. But, they’ll like them too.

And that’s the Cheap Bastid way: Eat Good, Eat Cheap, Be Grateful.

2D's Toots--Really, Really Good Chili Fries

To heck with “fancy schmancy”, pretentious “foodie” fare. Occasionally we like to get decadant with a super easy dish that is incredibly bad for you but which is just flat out tasty.

I call it 2D’s Toots. I named it after my daughter and one of her favorite “activities”. Her name is Susan and long ago her brother only being 2 years older couldn’t pronounce Susan. His word was Suzu which for some reason I shortened to Toodie but have always chosen to spell “2D”. And toots—for obvious reasons. This dish will give a good case of them!

This is also incredibly cheap to make which is fine for me because, as some of you may know, I’ve been unemployed for almost 5 months. Weekly trips to the dollar store are now part of our regular shopping. I love being able to pull together a meal, full of flavor and (most of the time) healthy. I’m always trying to get a meal on the table for a buck a person and sometimes I can even do it. 2D’s Toots is one of those dishes which we now do as a main dinner course (kind of an “anti-gourmet” thing) and if you start off with a salad it can almost be nutritious.

2D’s Toots is just good old-fashioned, “homemade” chili fries.


2D’s Toots
4 medium potatoes each cut into 8 wedges
1 15oz. can of no-bean chili (bought at the dollar store)
1 cup of shredded cheddar cheese
3 or 4 good glugs of canola oil (enough to lightly coat the ‘taters—Glug is a Jamie Oliver term)
Spices

Preheat Oven to 425
Cut potatoes into wedges and put into a large bowl. Put 3 or 4 good glugs of canola oil in the bowl—just enough to be able to toss the potatoes in the oil and lightly coat them.

Season the potatoes. Use either a mix of salt, pepper & garlic powder or a spicy blend like Essence of Emeril or just a bit of chili powder, cayenne and salt. Your choice. How much spice to use? Enough.
Mix by hand to coat potatoes with oil and spice.

Arrange in one layer on a pre-heated cookie sheet and put in oven for about 12 minutes. At 12 minutes remove from oven and turn/flip each fry. (I use tongs to try and avoid sticking). Put back in oven for another 10 minutes then turn oven off with potatoes still inside.

Empty chili into a bowl and microwave on high until heated. About 3 minutes. (We also like to add just a bit of habanero sauce to the chili to kick things up).

Remove fries from oven and put on a platter. Cover fries with chili and sprinkle with the cheddar. Use more or less cheddar depending on how “gooey” you want it.

This can feed 2 or 3 as a main course or can be an appetizer for 4-6.

Enjoy. It’s gooey. It’s good. It’s an indulgence that will remind you of your favorite drive-in.

That's the Cheap Bastid Way: Eat Good, Eat Cheap, Be Grateful!