Cougars at Costco

Costco is a place where it helps to go early in the day. It opens at 10 a.m. and it’s usually best to be there just about 5 after. Today was my day off and Carolyn and I decided to head on out to Costco to pick up some stuff and use a couple of coupons.

All the close in parking spots were taken and no one was leaving because it was only ten twenty and no one was coming out of the store shoving overflowing carts yet. But that’s OK. Sometimes you have to be patient.

One of our favorite meat items is boneless loin chops which just happen to have a $4.50 off coupon. That gets the price pretty reasonable so we were going to pick up a package. We moseyed through the store stopping at the display of toddler Easter dresses—just the thing to get a Grandpa’s attention and then we made a stop at the book section. Every once in a while I score a new paperback at the $5.59 Costco price instead of the $9.99 Barnes and Noble price.

We wandered toward the back. We needed eggs today and wanted to score the chops—especially since I had already promised a dinner of grilled chops in an orange/chipotle sauce with sweet potatoes. We got to the meat counter. I took a peak at the sirloin pork chops at $1.99 a pound. A lady stepped up next to me also looking at the sirloin chops.

I heard Carolyn call to me that she had found the loin chops and I turned to go to that cooler case and started rummaging through the plastic wrapped packages looking for just the perfect one. A few seconds went by and I heard, “Excuse me.” It was the lady who had been looking at the sirloin chops. She was holding the coupon in her hand. “Is this the right meat?” she asked.

“Sure it is,” I replied.

“Oh,” she said, “I was wondering because of the label.” She pointed to the Armour logo on the coupon.

“These are the right ones,” I repeated. “They’re really good. I’d rather have one of these than a steak.”

Another lady had stepped up to the other side of me. I was looking around a bit to try to spot my wife who had moved out of the way.

“You’re so right,” she quipped, trying to catch my eye, letting her arm brush against mine. “I used to fix these for my late husband all the time.”

By now there’s a third lady sticking her head and arm over my right shoulder brushing up against me ostensibly to get at the chops.

I looked side to side and slowly started to extricate myself from the now crowded case of loin chops. It wasn’t until I was back to my wife, who was laughing that I found out how oblivious I still am even at the advanced age of 59. It appears as though these ladies were more interested in my loins than in the chops.

“Didn’t you notice what those women were up to,” she asked.

“Well, no,” was my typically dunderheaded response.

“They were hitting on you like a bunch of groupies,” she informed me.

“Nawwww,” said I, ever Mr. Gallant, always the naïve innocent.

“Oh yeah. She knew about those chops and followed you over there,” Carolyn retorted.

“You mean they’re Cougars,” I asked? “And they think I’m a ‘Cub’?” I mentally and physically shivered and started to skulk out of the meat section, carrying my package of chops.

“But, they’re close to my Mom’s age,” I commented as we walked towards the eggs. I stopped to score a mini sample of pizza and looked back over my shoulder to see if any of my “groupies” were still around and following. A blob of sausage and sauce tumbled from the slice and onto my shirt. How’s that for debonair?

Hey, maybe Costco should hire me to do Cheap Bastid cooking demonstrations in their meat department? It could be Cheap Bastid cooking for one—or two if you get lucky.

But we managed to wend our way through the checkout, back to the car and head home. Wow, no one’s tried to pick me up in a long, long time. I mean, look at my picture. I’m nearly 60. I’m bald. I have gray hair and a white beard.

But apparently I’ve still got “it”. Whatever “it” is.

Jack In the Box takes on Costco--So Does Cheap Bastid

You’ve just got to love Costco. They seem to have taken over a great big chunk of retail business. I’m a member and have been for about 10 years now.

We typically hit Costco once a week for some of our basics and like to take a look around while we’re there. Costco is this huge repository of merchandise. You can get “mass quantities” (with apologies to the Cone Heads of SNL fame) of just about anything.Our buying as slowed way down because of my employment situation but it’s all about saving money which we can do on some things at Costco.

If I time it right I can go to Costco and get enough "free samples" of food for a pretty good lunch. It really helps if you go there when your blood sugar is low. It took me a while to convince my wife that there can be an advantage for me to make a mad dash back to the grocery & meat department to get some blood sugar from the samples of pulled tri-tip and gorgonzola cheese. (She'll indulge it now as an antidote to Cheap Bastid crankiness).

Jack in the Box just took a trip to “Costco” for it’s newest commercial. If you haven’t seen it, take a peek. It’s a hoot:



Not that I’m anal retentive or anything (I’d say no, but my wife would definitely disagree with that—rightfully so) but I check stuff out. A few months ago, while the weather was still cool, I was thinking about buying a new pair of jeans. Now, Cheap Bastid that I am, I was checking out the Kirkland brand jeans at Costco for $12.99. I can do that math and I don’t need high fashion, expensive denim to cover my fanny.

But I could never find my size. I’m a 34 x 30. A pretty common size especially in Southern California. You’d think that Costco would be aware of the fact that there’s a lot of guys my size here—old white guys like me plus Hispanic and Asian men who are also a bit on the height challenged side.

So, Costco would get some in. And I’d take a pass. I just wanted to see how long they’d last. They always have every size imaginable—except 34 x 30. There’s 32 x 30, 36 x 30, 38 x 30, 40 x 30, etc. And all other longer inseams. A few weeks ago there were a dozen pairs. The next week none. Last Friday, I stopped for my weekly inventory and they had a whopping 24 pairs of 34 x 30. I bet there aren’t any this week!

And then last week we needed coffee. I drink Kirkland because it’s a richer and finer grind. It used to be cheaper by about a dollar than Folger’s. But Costco raised the price so that it’s now more expensive than Folger’s. I’m drinking Folger’s now.


But our favorite thing of all to do at Costco is check out the cute little kids. Ooh-ing and aah-ing like a couple of frustrated grandparent wannabes.

Maybe what I need to do is either get a life or get a job at Costco.