Makin' Whoopee

There’s no instruction manual for raising kids. And there’s definitely no instruction manual for when your 21 year old (in my case step-daughter) moves in.

Now, we’re smart enough to know that when Megan moved in with us (in our small 2-bedroom apartment) last November to leave her alone and pretty much let her come and go as she please. She works full time and she also takes classes on a part-time basis. Her work schedule will vary from day to day. Some days from 1 to 10 p.m., others from 5 a.m. to 2 p.m. It keeps her hopping.

We know that on Wednesday nights she likes to go out for hot wings with a bunch of friends—what she calls the “Wing Nuts”. That’s cool. And she’s good about e-mailing her work schedule to her mom each week. And that’s cool too.

Where things get a bit iffy is whether or not she’s going to be home for dinner—so I get a better idea of what and how much to cook. And sometimes she gets off work and goes to the gym or comes home for a bit and then goes to the gym.

So it’s not the easiest thing in the world to predict when she’ll be home, how long she’ll be home, etc. But that’s all right. Mostly.

The hard thing is…OK, so how do I put this delicately? The hard thing is, well, it’s “makin’ whoopee”.

Look, some people might consider me an old fart at 60 and some might even consider my bride “old” at 49. And most assuredly, the young woman my wife gave birth to just doesn’t want to even “go there”—you know think about her Mom “making whoopee”.

It’s scheduling. My work schedule is a bit goofy too. And trying to coordinate with Meg’s comings and goings makes it trickier.

And, well just figure that we’re of an age when going to bed at night pretty much means it’s time to go to sleep. We get tired. A 21 year old can get up at 4 to go to work and come home at 2 and then go out half the night knowing that she’s off until the next afternoon and then crash and burn a couple of days later when she’s got a day off. We can’t do that. We gotta go to sleep at night.

So, we wait until we know she’s gone. Gone all day, gone all day when I’m home from work. We put off other things waiting in anticipation. Waiting until after her lunch time to make sure she’s not going to pop in during her break.

And then…..oh yeah! And then. “Afternoon Delight”.

A Tale of Momma Stella, Stucco and WillBear

It’s been a long summer in our little corner of Southern California. I never realized that so much crap could come oozing along to upset our merry little daily routine of just getting by. Up until the third week of April we were comfortable in our routines and happy in our little apartment in a not-so-good neighborhood here in Vista.

All that changed when we got a call at 6:30 a.m. from Carolyn’s mother. Momma Stella said she had just called 911 because she thought her son was dead. Her son, who was 45, lived with her in her home in a neighboring city. We quickly threw some clothes on and dashed over kind of hoping that she was the kind of wrong that a little old lady can be sometimes but at the same time afraid that wouldn’t be the case.

We got there to find 2 police cars in front of the house. Yes, the ambulance had already been there and left. Now we were waiting for the Medical Examiner to show up, make the official pronouncement of death and take the body away for autopsy. He had died in his sleep and they needed to find a cause. Turns out he went to sleep, had a heart attack and never woke up.

So we were faced with taking care of arrangements and working with Momma Stella to help her get set up and totally on her own at age 71. You don’t need to know all the details but her son had been in and out of jail for several years for drug possession, addiction and other various and sundry offenses that the addicted commit while under the influence or while trying to get under the influence.

Things were going along fine for about 6 weeks. Momma Stella was getting along fine and lo-and-behold her money was starting to stretch out and last the whole month. Until a morning in June when we got a call. It was Momma Stella. She was dizzy and disoriented; feeling really sick. Carolyn sent me off to work thinking it was just a bug or something and then went over to her mother’s house. By the time she got there, it was obvious that an ambulance needed to be called.

And it all deteriorated from there. Five weeks later this 71-year old lady was dead of ovarian cancer. We watched her deteriorate day by day. She managed to take one treatment of chemotherapy and her condition worsened too much to ever take another. Within 2 weeks of her diagnosis she was no longer ambulatory and had to go back into the hospital, then to a nursing home for several days to gain some strength and eventually when her condition continued to deteriorate to in-home hospice where my wife, Carolyn provided the 24/7 care.

Stucco the dog, was confused. She didn’t seem to understand the change in her routine. She was “banished” outdoors. She’s a happy dog and loves to roughhouse. She loves to chase a tennis ball around the yard just as long as I would play tug-of-war with her to get her to let go of it and throw it again. I just love tossing around a slimy tennis ball!

We’d make sure she had plenty of water and a full food bowl along with some babbling to her about what a good dog she is. And then she’d give off a goofy doggie grin and want to wrestle some more.

All through this I witnessed a level of tenderness and care provided by Carolyn that was in its own way a beautiful thing to behold. The loving way she cared for her mother and the ways she tolerated the natural cantankerousness of her dying mother were moving each and every day. They would occasionally fuss with each other but they knew that it was the natural relationship of a mother and daughter and within a couple of minutes tempers would be sheathed and everything would be OK.

Before the in-home hospice, Carolyn would load Momma Stella into the car for doctor’s appointments. It only took a couple of weeks before Carolyn bought her Mom her very own transport wheelchair with a bright red seat and back which Momma Stella loved. All too soon though even that was over because she came home from the nursing home bedridden. She never got up again.

I was over there on many days to say hello to my mother-in-law, check on how she was doing and to give my wife some hugs and a few kisses to let her know how much she was missed at home and how much she was appreciated.

I was also there to take my turn from time to time so Carolyn could go and run some errands. And also so she could just get away for a bit to relax, breathe deep and, if need be, have a good cry.


The last week, when Carolyn was able to slip home for an hour I encouraged her to take her Christmas Guardian bear WillBear with her for company late at night when she was alone with Momma Stella and she was lonely and scared.

WillBear is this cuddly stuffed teddybear that Santa brought Carolyn for Christmas. His job is to watch out for Carolyn and take care of her when she needs it. He usually spends his days sitting on our bed at home, the keeper of the TV remote and his nights perched across the room so he can keep his eye on things.

WillBear made it a point to stay by Carolyn’s side during that long, stressful last week. He slept in her arms every night when she was lonely and scared. He reassured her when she had to start using morphine to help ease the pain. And he was there with her when Momma Stella drew her last breath, watching over Carolyn and Momma Stella and Stucco letting them know that they had all done the right thing.

Momma Stella is gone now. Seventy-one years. And she never really seemed to get the chance to enjoy many of them. But she’s at rest. She’s no longer in pain from the cancer which ate at her in her last days. Stucco will unfortunately probably end up with the ASPCA for adoption. We can’t keep an 80 pound moose of a dog in a small second floor apartment. I hope she finds a happy home with some folks who will love her and wrestle with her and make her part of their family.

Carolyn is home now. She misses her Mom and still wants to give her a phone call each day. She’s trying to figure out the best way to handle giving the house back to the bank because the mortgage is seriously “underwater”. Otherwise the house on Hilldale is empty of people and pretty forlorn. Stucco’s looking after things for a few days and we stop by each day to feed her and “rassle”.

WillBear is home now, back on duty. Except now he sits in the living room in his own small rocker—keeping an eye out on all the goings on in our modest home.

There’s a hero in this story and that’s Carolyn. Her compassion and patience and love and dedication were a shining light to her mother. She’s still pretty sad, but she’s had a lot to contend with these past 3 months. Carolyn’s buddy WillBear is looking out for her and that’s good too. Stucco will be all right, someone’s going to get to adopt one terrific dog. But that Carolyn, she’s quite a lady.

Momma Stella’s not around anymore—but in her own way, she still is.

Crapperhead Gets His Pout On at Giants Game

Have you ever had your kid get a good pout on? Arms crossed, lower lip jutting out, glowering.

Here's a kid who managed to do all this on TV while at a major league baseball game with his Dad. It all started with a foul ball hit into the stands. Seems like the guy sitting in front of him managed to knock the ball down and the lady next to him dove for the ball. The kid got furious.



In fact, it kind of reminds me of so many people and their sense of entitlement and their destructive pouts when they don't get their way (tea partiers or Republicans anyone?).

Anyway the TV announcers had a good time with it as the video clip shows. And they even sent a couple of balls down for the kid, who brightened up noticeably when they arrived. Kind of like a kid who throws a tantrum in a store over not getting a toy until Mom or Dad gives in.

Why call the kid a "crapperhead"? Hell, if I had a nickel for every time my Dad called me or my brother a crapperhead when I was growing up, I'd be long sense retired.

Like the time we were playing catch in the back yard and my Dad points to an open crank-out window, "Now, don't either of you two crapperheads throw the ball into that window," the old man admonished. Yep, you guessed it, after about 3 throws who winds up and smacks the window breaking it? Well, Dad of course. But we knew better than to laugh! Much.

And, this kid's a crapperhead!

Here's the video from Major League Baseball:

Brutus and the Bear--The World from my Balcony

A couple of weeks ago, I saw my neighbor Tony head out with his large dog Brutus for a morning walk. Tony wanted to turn either left or right down the sidewalk. Brutus didn’t.

But Brutus is about the most even tempered dog I’ve ever seen. He didn’t bark or growl or anything. He just refused and stood there. He wanted to cross the street to take his early morning pee on the corner of a retaining wall rather than take that pee anyplace else.


So what did Tony do? He walked across the street and waited patiently while Brutus lifted his leg and did his morning business. Then they walked down the street together. Brutus with his curled tail high and waving from side to side, Tony ambling with him. Just a couple of “guys” on their morning rounds.

Carolyn has known Brutus since he was a tiny puppy. She’s always referred to him as Mr. Puppy and not the more regal title he is known by in his own home. This also comes from the day when he greeted her by rearing up with each front paw on one of her shoulders promptly knocking her on her behind.

Brutus lives a life of being cared for by a loving family. The family is “Brutus and his Humans” for they belong to him more than he belongs to them. In addition to Tony there are 4 females in the household, the youngest about 11. His “girls” take him out quite often and he walks proud with them rarely tugging at the leash—for when he does, whoever is holding the leash is going for a ride, he’s that big and strong. Woe be unto anyone who would threaten any of his humans. We’re sure that Brutus, who’s starting to get up there in age, would tear them apart in defense of his family.

Brutus will even suffer the indignity of getting a bath out in the open when he looks like a long suffering derelict being scrubbed and rinsed. But, he always seems to be just a bit prouder of his clean, glossy coat with just a bit of extra swagger on his next sojourn.

On the other side of us lives Bear. Now Bear has his own yard. But he basically lives inside a 3 x 2 large “pet carrier” sitting on the front porch. And his yard—well from about April on, it’s dirt and sand. In the “rainy” season of December & January the yard turns green and by February it’s green—but overgrown to a height of about 2 feet with trails worn in it from the limits of the rope used to tie Bear to his yard. At least when there’s grass the feces left in the yard for weeks on end are hidden. This time of year they cover the ground. It’s not Bear’s fault. It’s that his “human” just flat out doesn’t pay any attention to him.



Bear will come dancing out to the end of his rope wagging his tail and barking (a friendly bark) when skateboarders come down the sidewalk or sometimes when people are walking. Occasionally, his bark and end of rope dance causes shrieking (I love it when teen boys are the ones shrieking like a 12 year old girl scared of a spider). Come on kids; check his body language and tail. He wants to say “hi” and make a friend.

To me, Bear is lonely and could really use a friend. I have often wished that I knew his “owner” and could take him out on walks to explore the neighborhood. There have been a number of times when I’ve made it a point to grill up some steaks with bones (like a t-bone or bone in rib eye) and then made it a point to leave plenty of meat on the bone so I could toss it to Bear for a treat. I swear, that the first time I did that he didn’t know what to do with it a first. He sniffed it suspiciously several times then ignored it. Until later, after dark when I could hear him crunching on the bones. I’ve even bought him rawhide chew bones for Christmas and tossed them to him.

All dogs deserve at least a little bit of love. But unfortunately, many is the time when I have seen his “human” come home and walk right by him saying nothing, not even delivering a scratch behind the ears and disappear inside his house ignoring the welcome home greeting that Bear was trying to provide. What a jerk.




I’ve wondered about this dynamic many times. If his “humans” are out playing and Brutus is left out, he’ll let them know with a loud bark that says “Hey! I know you’re doing something fun and you’re not including me! What’s up with that?”

And Bear dances at the end of his rope. Sometimes, Tony and Brutus will stop so that Brutus can go over to Bear and they can say “hi” but doing that decidedly male dog thing of sniffing noses and butt thing. Then Tony and Brutus continue their walk while Bear looks forlornly after them as if he would dearly love to join them.

So what’s the point to this? Well there are a whole bunch of different twists that can be put on this allegory. I'll let you come up with your own.

Suffice it to say, Brutus is part of a family and loved. He takes care of his family and would defend them to his death. Surprisingly, I think Bear would do the same for his family—whoever they are. Brutus is content in his family and belongs. Bear is content too for he knows nothing else but yearns for more. Like so many, he has much more to give. And if I had to choose between the two, I guess I’d choose the Bear.

Cheap Bastid's Summertime Corn Salad

During our weekly vegetable safari at Fraiser’s Farms grocery store Saturday, I came across the first sweet corn of the season. And it was pretty reasonable at 5 ears for $1, plus it was nice and big and fat. So I just had to get some.

I’ll put up with the aftereffects of corn the morning after for that sweet, roasted crunchiness the night before. And this was some tasty stuff. But then I got the bright idea of making one of my favorite warm weather salads to go with grilled chicken yesterday, and I even remembered to take a few photos (kind of after the fact but I still got some good pictures to share).


Now, this isn’t the cheapest of Cheap Bastid recipes, but it’s a good one. The reason it’s not real cheap is that you’ve got to buy some mozzarella cheese which runs about $5 a pound but that’s OK because tomorrow night we’re going to make my favorite grilled cheese sandwich for supper—grilled mozzarella and tomato with basil on sourdough bread.

So here’s a simple and fast summertime salad for grilled dinners, picnics or any other occasion:

Cheap Bastid’s Summertime Corn Salad
1 ear of sweet corn
2 Roma tomatoes--chopped
1/3-1/2 cup chopped red onion
½-3/4 cup mozzarella cheese cut into appx ¼ inch cubes
2-3 tbsp balsamic vinegar
1-2 tbsp chopped basil (fresh is best or dried)
Salt & black pepper


Stand ear of corn up on a platter or in a shallow dish and cut the kernels off with a sharp knife. (Jab a fork in the top or use a “cob knob” to hang onto the ear of corn). This will give you about a cup and a half or so of corn kernels. Chop onion and tomato and cube mozzarella. Put everything in a bowl, add basil and balsamic then salt and pepper to taste. Put covered into the fridge to cool down for about a half hour. Serve as a side dish. And double the recipe if you’re having more than 3 or 4 people or want lots of left overs.

This is really easy and is really tasty. Give it a try.


Cheap Bastid Test: Corn was $.20 per ear and the tomatoes cost about $.50. I used maybe $.25 worth of onion and about $1.50 worth of mozzarella. Total cost: $2.25. A bit pricey and if I weren’t planning on using the mozzarella up this week I might have taken a pass. But this is just so tasty, that I had to make it as a treat.

That’s the Cheap Bastid way: Eat Good. Eat Cheap. Be Grateful!

Hooray! Hooray! I'm a Grampa Again Today!

Today's the day. I'm a Grandpa again. This is my 2nd granddaughter. My son Michael just sent me a text telling me that this morning he and Katie had their second daughter.

Now, I don't know what name they've given this little critter yet, but she sure is cute. She's 6 lbs 15 ounces and is a healthy, pretty little baby.

Last I heard they were thinking of either Stella or Emma. They weren't too thrilled with either of my suggestions. My first suggestion was to combine the 2 and call her Stem. My 2nd suggestion is to use Carolyn's favorite nickname for every critter she sees--dogs, cats, hamsters, ponies--Spike.

We like Spike so that's probably going to be Grandpa's pet name.

Here's a picture of her with her Dad at the hospital in Lincoln, Nebraska. She's a real cutie!

Cheap Bastid's Taters on the Cheap

So, last week I’m checking the grocery specials for Stater Brothers. I do that every week as I’m planning the week’s round of grocery shopping and potential meal ideas. London Broil was on special for $1.88/lb and that was good. But, no soda was on 3 for $10 so Carolyn is going to have to ration her remaining Pepsi products (have you noticed a big spike in soda prices lately? Geez, it’s gotten ridiculous and I’m glad that I rarely drink it).

What got my attention was the special for Ore Ida frozen fries. The ad was offering 20 to 32 ounce bags of Ore Ida fries for $2.99--$1.00 off. Now wait a minute. I buy a 10 lb. bag of potatoes for $2.49. That’s a quarter a pound. These frozen fries are $1.50 a pound—on special. Now, if I go by prices at fast food places, their fries are probably more like $8.00 a pound (I’m guessing that the fries on the dollar menu fries are 2 ounces).

I make roasted fries all the time—mainly because they taste better. In my life I’ve tossed lots of frozen fries onto a cookie sheet and popped them in the oven. So, do you want to save some money? Make your own fries. It’s really easy.

These oven fries (and I like the big, wedgie ones) are really tasty. I do them in the oven and I do them in a pan on my grill too. Your basic frozen fry takes about 20 minutes in a 400-425 degree oven. These take 20-30 minutes at 425—and if you cut them the size of regular fries they’ll be done in 20 minutes or less too. There’s 5 minutes of prep rather than the 30 seconds to cut open the bag and dump the frozen fry on the cookie sheet. But…

The “but” is the big thing. I’m talking 25 cents a pound not $1.50. Do the math. If you make these once a week for a year—a pound each time (and that’s conservative) you can save
$65 a year. That’s real money. For us, it’s a week’s groceries—free. Saving money on your food bill isn’t hard—it’s just common sense.

Cheap Bastid’s Oven Fries (for 2)

3 medium potatoes—about 1 lb
A couple of good glugs of cooking oil
Seasonings
Medium bowl
Cookie sheet

Preheat oven to 425. Rinse potatoes well and pick off any “eyes” that are sprouting (I just use my thumbnail). Pat dry with a paper towel. Cut each potato (using a good chef’s knife with a bit of heft) into 4 quarters--lengthwise once, then rotate 90 degrees and lengthwise again. That’s 4 big wedges, then cut each wedge for a total of 8. If you want regular size fries cut the potato into thirds then cut each of those into about 3/8” strips.

Put cut potatoes into the bowl. Pour a couple of good glugs of oil over them—2 to 3 tablespoons worth. Season the potatoes. Use kosher salt or salt and pepper or some garlic powder and dried parsley or salt and cayenne/chipotle for a bit more kick (I like that hint of heat that cayenne gives). Reach into the bowl with your hand and thoroughly mix potatoes so that they have a light coating of the oil. Now, dump the whole shebang onto a cookie sheet (preheat the sheet of you want but it’s not really necessary) and spread into one layer. Pop into the oven for about 12 minutes if you’re making wedges or about 8 if you’re making fries. Remove from oven and flip the fries over then put them back in for another 8-10 minutes until golden or medium brown.

This is going to make wedge or steak fries that have a crisp outside and are puffy and hot inside. They’re delicious. It might take you a couple of times to get your timing down so they come out the way you want them and not overdone. But, you’ll enjoy the taste. If your kids don’t want them because they’re neither MickyDees nor frozen that’s OK! That means more for you. But, they’ll like them too.

And that’s the Cheap Bastid way: Eat Good, Eat Cheap, Be Grateful.

Cheap Bastids Holiday Green Bean Casserole (without cream of anything soup)

Green bean casserole is a tradition at Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners. It seems as though this is another of those dishes that only get made for these holiday feasts.

We all remember those limp green beans in a pyrex dish topped with canned fried onion rings and swimming in some mysterious beige/grey mystery sauce—usually cream of mushroom soup. So I thought I’d try to come up with something with a bit more freshness, flavor and color. Something that hasn’t had all the taste baked out of it. Something with a hint of both spice and texture.

At Thanksgiving, I looked up a bunch of recipes and synthesized several into what follows. I’m going to make it again for Christmas, so I’m going to share it now in case anyone else out there wants to give it a try. Sorry, but there aren’t any photos. (If you make this, take some and send them to me along with what you think of the dish).

Cheap Bastid’s Holiday Green Bean Casserole
4 tbsp butter or margarine
3 tbsp flour
1 ½ tbsp mustard (yellow, Dijon, brown whatever you’ve got on hand)
Salt (a couple of healthy pinches or shakes to taste)
tabasco or hot pepper sauce (to taste put a little kick in it)
1 lb fresh green beans (or fresh frozen)
1 cup milk
1 cup broth (chicken or vegetable or some of the liquid from blanching the beans)
1 cup diced onion
1 small can fried onion rings

Directions
This is pretty simple to make but it takes a medium skillet, cooking pot and 1 to 1 ½ quart casserole dish so get them out first. (Grease the casserole dish with butter or margarine).

Put about ½ gallon of water into the pot and put it on the stove, burner set to medium-high. Prep the beans while the water is heating. Pinch off the stem end and snap them so that each piece is about 2 inches long. Put in a colander and when done, rinse them off.

By now, the water on the stove should be starting to boil. Dump the beans into the pot, let the pot come back to a boil and then let them cook for about 5 more minutes. Put the colander in the sink and pour the beans into it. Then, using the rinse hose, rinse the beans with cold water to “shock” them and stop the cooking process. (If you’re going to use “bean water” rather than broth, make sure to keep a cup of it before you dump the beans into the colander). Note: if you’re using frozen beans, just dump them into the colander for a few minutes, and rinse them with cold water to let them thaw just a bit.

Now put the skillet on the stove and turn the burner to medium high. You’re going to make a roux. Start by putting the butter or margarine into the skillet and letting it melt. Then add the flour—shaking it around the pan into the melted butter/margarine. Start stirring or whisking this mixture and turn the heat down just a skosh. Keep stirring until the 2 ingredients are blended together and golden yellow in color. Turn heat to medium (6 o’clock on the clock for the dial on an electric stove). Now, add the mustard, salt and Tabasco and stir into the roux. Then it’s time to add the milk and the broth. Stir all this together and let it heat until it just starts to bubble a bit.

Now it’s time to add the diced onions and the beans. Turn the heat off. Then mix everything together. Pour the contents of the skillet into the casserole dish. Taste it! You might want to add a bit of salt or pepper or even more Tabasco or some garlic. Season it to YOUR taste! Open your can of fried onion rings and sprinkle them on top in one thin layer. Cover either with a lid or foil. Put into the oven, preheated to 375 for about 40 minutes. Enjoy!

That’s it. Several steps, but they’re pretty straight-forward, easy steps. This is really tasty! It’s creamy, yet has just a bit of kick thanks to the mustard and Tabasco. And, no cream of whatever soup.

Feel free to play with this a bit. If it looks like the diced onion is more than you’d like, don’t put it all in. I sweated the onions in the melted margarine and then remove them before adding the flour for the roux. You can also add some finely chopped fresh mushrooms. Or try adding some almond slivers or cashews.

What you’ll like is that this has color and flavor rather than blandness and drabness. There’s still some “tooth” left in the beans rather than the usual squishy, school lunch texture. As I mentioned before, I tried this on family at Thanksgiving and they loved it—especially when compared to the “traditional” green bean casserole I made last year using cream of barf soup.

Cheap Bastid Test: How’d this dish do? Well, I got the beans for $.49/lb, the butter was a half-stick for a quarter, a nickel’s worth each of flour and mustard, $.50 for broth (free if you use bean juice), $.20 for onion, a quarter’s worth of milk and $1 for the canned fried onions (at the dollar store! They’re $1 and ounce at the grocery store). Total cost for this casserole that will feed 6 was $2.79 or about $.47 per serving. I love it when food tastes good, is made with just a bit of love and is CHEAP!

And that’s the Cheap Bastid way: Eat Good, Eat Cheap, Be Grateful!

Merry Christmas to All!

We Need a Little Christmas (Music) Now!

All day, every day I sit in a cubbyhole that’s 15 feet from a compact stereo which is tuned to a radio station which is playing Christmas music 24/7.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against Christmas music. I love Christmas music. I love to listen to Christmas music and I love to sing Christmas music. But it gets kind of like sharp fingernails scraping across a blackboard the 8th time each day when I have to hear Karen Carpenter sing “Logs on the fire, fill me with desire” (that just sounds so “wrong”—kinky—even though I know there’s another innocent line about wanting to be with a loved one). And if I have to hear “We Need a Little Christmas” one more time, I swear I’ll go postal on the first friggin’ elf I see.

I’ve performed Christmas music ever since Junior Hi although much more sporadically since I’ve been an adult. Christmas cantatas in a church choir are, I think, much more enjoyable for those singing than those who have to dress up and silently suffer through them. (By the way my wife just asked me what a Christmas cantata is and I told her that it’s when a choir performs this “hoity toity” classical-type Christmas music that has a lot of notes and that nobody particularly likes to hear because it doesn’t have a real good beat or snappy lyrics or a toe-tapping melody—although I still consider Handel’s “Messiah” to be kick ass even though most people don’t really seem to get that at Christmas the song is “For Unto Us A Child is Born and at Easter it’s the “Hallelujah Chorus”).

But I digress. In the cause of brevity, I offer up for your listening enjoyment a “medley” of Christmas music. It starts with one of my all time favorites, Gene Autry’s “Here Comes Santa Claus”. It’s included because it reminds me of my father who would wander through the house all Christmas season singing snatches of this delightful song in a Kentucky hills tenor twang. Every time I hear it, it reminds me of Dad and makes me smile.



The rest of the “medley” is some goofy stuff that I hope will make you smile just a bit. Enjoy.

Cheap Bastid's Chinese Steak

Fall is here and we’re cooking more inside. I’ve always loved cooking in the wok. Wok cooking is simple. Typically the hardest part is the prep and having everything ready to go before cooking. But that’s simply a matter of “slicing and dicing”. Chinese-style cooking is also something that goes well with Cheap Bastid’s love for simple, inexpensive, fresh ingredients. And, proteins like meat especially go further Chinese style making it even better for diet and budget conscious folks.

Here’s one of my all-time favorite Chinese recipes to cook and especially to eat. This dish is pungent and tasty. It combines beef with my favorites of tomatoes and onions along with an aromatic sauce that I’m sure you’ll enjoy.

It’s served over rice, or with rice on the side, whichever you prefer. So first, I’m going to provide my basic rice recipe which I got 25 years ago from “Madame Wong’s Long-Life Chinese Cookbook” which came with my first wok. This is as close to “foolproof” rice as you can get without investing in a rice cooker.

And yes, the rice will stick together when you serve it and that’s the way it’s supposed to be. You can’t eat rice with chopsticks when the grains are all separate and going their own way. And I think this tastes far better than “Minute Rice”. It’s just basic, long-grain rice that I buy in bulk at the grocery store for $.79/lb.

Rice
2/3 cup long grain rice per serving (rice—not Uncle Ben’s
or Minute Rice any other boxed rice—just rice)

Put the rice in a sauce pan. Rinse with cold water about 4 or 5 times to clean it. Rinse by covering it with cold water and swirling it around then draining the water (you don’t need a strainer, just gently pour the water off). After rinsing, cover the rice with water—put enough water in the pan so that when you poke your finger in it to the rice, the water comes up to your first knuckle (about ¾ inch).

Put the pan on the stove UN-covered with the burner turned on high. When the water is boiled off—about 8 minutes—turn the heat as low as it will go, cover the pot and let it steam for about 20 minutes. By the way, the water is “boiled off” when there are “craters” in the rice with bubbles popping out. When you cover and turn the heat down, the remaining water will cook off while the burner cools.

Usually, when you cover the pan is when you can go ahead and start heating your wok to cook the rest of the meal. All your prep for the wok should be done, and you can just start cooking. This will usually mean that the wok cooking is done and the rice is done at about the same time.

Chinese Steak

1-1½ lbs sirloin steak
¼ cup soy sauce
Couple of good splashes sherry or wine
Tbsp Ginger
Tbsp Garlic Powder
Diced onion—about 3 tblspns
2egg whites (give the yolk to the dog)
3tbsp cornstarch
1 cup oil for frying
2 tomatoes cut into wedges—about 8 wedges each
1 cup onion cut into appx. 1” long slices

Sauce: 4 tbsp Worcestershire, 4 tbsp ketchup, 2 tbsp sugar, 2 tbsp soy sauce, 2 tbsp red wine vinegar. Mix all together in advance.

Directions:

Using a meat tenderizer/mallet pound meat on both sides. Cut meat into 1” cubes then put into a non-metal dish or into a 1 gal. freezer bag. Mix the soy sauce, sherry/wine, ginger/garlic powder & diced onion together and pour over meat. Marinate at least 2-4 hours. Add the egg white and cornstarch and mix thoroughly into the meat mixture.

Start the rice. Put wok on burner, burner to high, add 1 cups oil. Heat until water flicked on oil immediately sizzles off. Add meat in small batches (about 1/3 at a time) and fry 2-3 minutes per batch—allow oil to reheat between batches. Drain on a plate or in a pan lined with 2-3 paper towels.

When meat is done, let oil cool then drain all but 2 tblspns of oil from the wok. Reheat the wok. Add onion and cook for 1-2 minutes just until they start to soften. Add the beef and stir fry for a couple of minutes. Add the sauce and and stir all together. Add tomatoes, mix everything and serve over rice. Serves 4.

This smells fantastic during the final cooking when the meat and sauce and onions and tomatoes all get together in the wok. And it tastes just as good. It’s got just a bit of “heat” (enough to make the top of my head sweat a little) and that comes from the worchestershire.

Did this meet the Cheap Bastid test? Well, the sirloin cost $2.00 on special at Stater Bros. And I used about ½ lb of rice for another $.40. Plus, 1 lb of tomatoes for $1 and half an onion for about $.25. Total budget for this great dinner for 2 was $3.65. And there’s left-overs for tomorrow too.

That’s the Cheap Bastid way: Eat Well, Eat Cheap, Be Grateful

Something to Think About--The GFW Equation

I wrote this about 6 years ago. It's one of those true stories that might just make you think a bit. I hope you enjoy it.


The GFW Equation

In the early 80’s, I had a friend named Lew Giesking who was the City Engineer in the small city in northern Iowa where I was the Chamber of Commerce Executive. Lew and I worked closely on a number of projects in the community, from planning a new swimming pool to the extension of infrastructure to a new Industrial Park that the Economic Development Corporation I also headed had purchased on the edge of town.

Our oldest sons were the same age and played on the same Parks and Recreation Baseball team. Occasionally, we’d schedule a meeting and would get together at the baseball field where our boys were playing. We’d have plans and documents spread on the hood of one of our vehicles and would be discussing the project at the same time that we were hollering out encouragement to our kids.

One particular day, as we were talking, I asked him a question. “Lew, I notice that your van has GFW Construction painted on the side of it. Now your name is Giesking, so that’s the ‘G’, but what does the F and W mean? Are those your partners?”

“No,” he responded with a smile, “They’re not. What GFW stands for is my priorities in life, God, Family and Work, in that order.”

Over the years, I’ve remembered that short conversation many times. What a wonderful way to try to live your life. As I think about it, at the time we were engaged in the “FW” part of it. We’d slipped away from our respective offices and ventured into the hot, muggy Iowa summer sun to share something with someone in our family while at the same time get a little work done.

But more importantly, we all sometimes tend to get our priorities a little bit lopsided. Today’s world tries to put an inordinate demand on us for work. We forget about why we work and all too often let what we do become who we are.

We can’t all paint “GFW” on the side of our vehicles. Maybe we need to make up a bunch of those bracelets that were popular a while back that said “WWJD” or “LiveStrong” but this time in big letters have them say “GFW” as a constant reminder of what our true priorities ought to be.

Because, maybe—just maybe--if we honored God and Family more by remembering what our priorities should be, then the Work part would go a lot better too.

Nothing Good Happens After Midnight

There’s a reason why the Fairy Godmother told Cinderella to be back by midnight. Remember? She was late. The coach turned back into a pumpkin, the footmen back into mice and Cinderella from a gorgeous princess back into a waifish stepdaughter.

What’s the reason? It’s simple. Nothing good happens after midnight.

Five 17 year olds partied on Saturday night here in the San Diego area. They were good kids. They were affluent kids. They were drunk. They were driving too fast. Now one is dead. One is in critical condition with blunt head trauma. Two had minor injuries and one is in jail. He’s charged with felony driving under the influence and gross vehicular manslaughter. Five young lives that will never be the same.

The accident happened at 1:45 in the morning. Nothing good happens after midnight. Especially to kids. Especially to parents.

What went wrong? The classic “perfect storm” for immature drivers (hell, for any driver). Too much speed. Alcohol. And five 17year-olds partying; distracted, showing-off. Only 2 were wearing seat belts. The 1 year-old car was full of air-bags but they won’t protect properly if the people in the car aren’t buckled up.

What’s the lesson here? Well, for one, parents try to do their best and are absolutely aghast, horrified and devastated when a tragedy such as this happens—especially to them.

There were too many kids in the car. Five 17-year olds, drinking, yields just too much testosterone for safety.

They thought, as do all teens, that they are immortal. They’re not. Sheet metal can’t win when there’s too much speed and immoveable objects in the way. And once the sheet metal goes, the living tissue inside is going to get hurt.

Alcohol was involved with kids 4 years too young to legally drink and never old enough to drive drunk.

Speed. Speed plus booze plus distracted equals only one thing. Disaster.

Odds are they could do the same thing 100 times and make it home OK. But, that one time when they don’t results in catastrophe.

Parents, teach your children. Monitor them. Have inviolable rules in place. Enforce them. Even when it makes them and you uncomfortable. That’s the way to love them.

Because nothing good happens after midnight.

Feeding the Birds--Hummingbird Don't Fly Away

We’ve been feeding hummingbirds on our balcony for about 4 years now. For some reason, they’ve gotten a lot more interesting the last month or so.

We’re used to these miniscule critters zooming up to the feeder, spreading their tail feathers at the last second and putting the brakes on to a hover right at their perch. And we’re used to watching the dominant male try to protect the feeder and keep any other bird except himself from getting access.

There’s a social dynamic at play. And right now I can hear about the 23rd squabble of the day of several hummies arguing over who gets to sit where.

Lately we’ve had a couple of interesting dominant males. First was Squatter. (We tend to try to give the ones we can identify interesting or descriptive names which have ranged from Durante to Miss Peeps to Butthead). Squatter seemed to think that the feeder belonged to him and him alone. The only time this changed was one day when a Rufous hummingbird (the smallest but most aggressive) came by and spent about an hour kicking his ass!

He would hang out and chase any and all other hummies away. He would grip the wire holding the feeder and keep a watch out pretty much all day—changing position seemingly to keep his legs from getting too tired. He wasn't all that bright though. He was clever enough to find a nail sticking out of a rafter and perch on it but, whenever he'd leave it to "guard" the feeder, he wouldn't be able to find it again. Any hummie that came by got chased away and suddenly there was little nectar being drunk. This went on for over a month and we got to the point where we were really hoping for him to move on.

And after him there was Bomber. Bomber was cool. He would do exactly what his name implies. He would sit on a phone wire about 40 feet away from the feeder and wait. As soon as 3 hummies sat on the perches (not 2 or 4 but 3) he’d launch himself. He’d zoom full speed at the feeder and put the brakes on the last couple of feet scattering the feeding hummies. I watched him do the same thing dozens of times. It was like watching a bowling ball going down the alley and smacking dead solid into the 1-3 pocket exploding pins in all different directions (OK, get that sound going in your head! That’s what always went through mine whenever he’d do that).

It seemed as though he loved doing that. Then he’d chase the birds away. Sometimes the birds would get smart and wait for him to chase the others away and sneak back for a quick chug-a-lug until he reversed course and smacked into the lone hold-out. And, as the photo shows, he also got so he liked to sit on the top of a succulent plant just a couple of feet from the feeder waiting for the dumb birds to try to land on the feeder and drink. Then he only had to fly 2 feet rather than 40.

Bomber only lasted a couple of weeks. Now we’ve got a new bunch. This is the most raucous, obnoxious group of birds yet. They’re incredibly entertaining—and thirsty. There doesn’t seem to be a dominant male so chaos rules the day. And, they’re greedy!

There have been times when it would take 3-4 days for the birds to empty a feeder. We know they’re hungry and that there’s a bunch of them if they empty it in 1 day. Lately they’ve been emptying it twice a day! That’s mainly because there’s 8 birds around and no one’s trying to hog the feeder and chase the rest away.

We’ve got what we call the “follies” every evening right at sundown. That’s when all the birds try to get their last “feeding” of the day. When Squatter and Bomber were around, they’d try to keep the other birds away even during the follies. The best follies we’ve ever had was one night with 10 birds zooming around the 4-perch feeder and the same night when there were actually 7 birds sitting at the feeder at once (yep, 3 of the perches had 2 birds each).

Now, we’re getting the follies pretty much all day long where there are anywhere from 6-8 birds hovering around—rotating around the feeder like it’s some kind of merry-go-round. These little critters are slurping, pooping machines. And they’re incredibly fun to watch.

A sociologist might have a great time trying to make sense of the dynamic of these birds. I love it when the females decide to fight back against the dominant male. Or when a 2nd male decides he wants to be the ruler. They’ll fight, slapping each other with their wings, pecking their long beaks at each other and sometimes tumble all the way to the ground. A lot of the time they’re more entertaining than anything on TV.

But, I have to go now. It’s 10:30 a.m. and there’s less than a half inch of nectar left so I have to make some more or else they’ll be mad and chewing me out. By the way, if you want to feed hummies, get a feeder with perches for them to sit—they cost less than $10. And, the “Cheap Bastid” recipe for the nectar is ¼ cup of sugar to 1 cup of water plus you can add a drop or so of food color if you want.

Cheap Bastid's Pizza Chicken!

Last week’s Top Chef Las Vegas is on for about the umpteenth time and it reminded me that today is Foodie Tuesday. I was going to start doing some things this week on school night dinners.

You know, it’s totally possible to have a family meal together every night. There’s no need to call Chili’s for carry-out or troop over to Quiznos. With just a bit of planning you can have a meal ready to go in a half hour pretty much every night. You’ve got to plan your meals in advance and do things like taking things out to thaw the night before and put them in the fridge. You’ve got to do your grocery buying with menus either in mind or in hand to make sure that you have the ingredients on hand.

At all times, my freezer contains 4-5 lbs. of ground beef in 1 lb (or less) bags, bottom round roasts, boneless loin chops (2 to a bag with some individually wrapped), pork shoulder roast, chicken legs & thighs broken out in bags with about 4 pieces each, boneless/skinless chicken breasts, Italian sausage, a couple of pounds of bacon and a frozen pizza. That’s my basic load and I keep it replenished when the meat is on sale. Is this giving YOU any ideas of what you might be able to cook using some of the meat in my freezer?

One other thing before a recipe—try starting this school year with 2 new rules at dinner time:
#1 Lose the bottles or cans of beverage at the table. Go to milk, juice or water poured in a glass. It’s healthier. We all drink too much soda.

#2 Everybody eats the same thing. Not chicken breast for Mom & Dad and mac & cheese for one kid and SpaghettiO’s for the other kid. If a kid just won’t eat something they can either leave the table without dinner (don’t worry they won’t starve) or they can go and fix their own PB&J and clean up after themselves.

Sermon’s over. Let’s cook something. Today, I’ll give you a super simple recipe that I “invented” for what we always called “Pizza Chicken”. It’s always been a favorite of my kids and my daughter reports that she makes this at least every couple of weeks at her home. Why did I call it “Pizza Chicken”? Simple, kids love pizza! It made them totally willing to try it and once they did, they loved it. Obviously, this was a “required” recipe in “Dad’s Cookbook and Kitchen Survival Guide”.

Pizza Chicken

2 boneless/skinless chicken breasts
1 can tomato sauce
4 oz. Shredded mozzarella cheese
Grated parmesan cheese
Salt, pepper, garlic powder, basil, oregano

Put 2 tablespoons cooking oil into a medium skillet and heat on medium high. Add the chicken breasts to pan, season with salt, pepper and garlic and let brown on both sides (should take about 4 minutes per side). Season the breasts as they cook with salt, pepper and garlic.

Pre-heat oven to 375. Put tomato sauce in a bowl and add garlic, oregano, basil and salt and pepper. When breasts are browned, transfer to a baking dish, pour tomato sauce over them. Cover with mozzarella and then sprinkle parmesan on top of that. Bake in 375 oven until cheese it turning golden (about 20 minutes or so). Remove and serve on bed of spaghetti or fettucine. It’s that simple. If you want, add some chopped onion and bell peppers while you’re browning the chicken to give some additional depth of flavor.

Wow, isn’t that easy! And, it’s a 30 minute meal if you’ve made sure to thaw out your chicken breasts ahead of time. This sounds like one of the super easy recipes you get out of a magazine but it’s something I “invented” almost 25 years ago when my kids were young. It’s good, tasty and with the mozzarella, just a bit gooey. Add the parmesan for just a bit more flavor.

What’s this going to cost? About $3 for the chicken, about $1 for the tomato sauce and
About another $1 for the cheese. Total for 4 people is about $1.25 each.

That’s the Cheap Bastid way—Eat Good, Eat Cheap, Be Grateful

Small Town Vasectomy, Where Everybody Knows Your Pain

Shortly after my daughter Susan was born, I decided that with 2 kids in 2 years it was time for me to get “fixed”. I figured, magnanimously, that seeing as how my wife was the one who had given birth, and it was my “equipment” that caused it, that maybe I was the one who should get “taken care of”.

Anyway, the surgery was outpatient, at the Kossuth County Hospital and only took about a half hour. It was scheduled for a Friday afternoon so that I could rest up over the weekend and be “back to normal” on Monday.

Kossuth County Hospital

At the appointed time, I checked in and was shown where the surgery would take place, changed into a gown and climbed onto the table. An orderly came in (male) and gave me a bit of a rundown on what was going to happen. Basically, 2 tiny incisions, snipping, stretching and tying. Didn’t sound too bad. Then he shaved me “down there”. Still no big problem.

A few minutes later the surgeon came in. I knew him pretty well from around town and my job running the local chamber of commerce. He was smoking a cigarette (that was when you could still do stuff like that). “Hey,” I exclaimed, “If you can have a cigarette why can’t I have one?”

So he gave me one of his, I lit up and we smoked. I think that he was just making sure that I was relaxed. Then, he had me lay down again, put on a mask, picked up a syringe and pulled the gown up to my waist, asking “are you ready for this?” To make this long story a bit shorter, it only took about 20 minutes and he was done. But I did discover that LaMaze breathing techniques help when you’ve got something going on that gets you a bit nervous and threatens hyperventilation.

Not quite the way it's done, but....

So I headed home, walking just a bit gingerly because the local anesthetic was starting to wear off. Everything went OK that evening although I mainly just sat in my recliner taking it easy. My wife helped out making sure that 2 year old Mike didn’t hop on my lap.

Obviously, this story isn’t quite told. Saturday was grocery store day. I had taken some ibuprofen and felt good. So, I took off for the local HyVee grocery store with Mikey, my 2 year old. I figured I’d only have to lift him up once to get in the cart and once to get back out and that there’d be no problem. Yeah, right!

Hy Vee, the main grocery chain in Iowa

We’re in the store, picking up the things on our list. Mike and I are carrying on a conversation like we always do in the store. I’m not moving really fast but I’m moving.

Have you ever noticed where a 2 year old’s feet hang when they’re sitting in a grocery cart? And have you ever noticed how they kind of like to swing their feet back and forth? Oh, yeah. He got me. Right where I was sore and tender. I saw it coming too. You know, in slow motion like in movie action scenes. I was like Jean Claude Van Damme when he’s fighting in slow motion and saying “Yeeee-Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh”.

And all of a sudden, I’m doubled over right in the middle of the aisle in HyVee. It was the freezer section. The kind where the freezers are waist high and open. I ended up boosting myself up and hanging my butt over it into the freezer just to try to cool off the pain. People were walking by me looking at me like I’m some kind of weirdo. Mikey thought it was funny and was laughing. All I could do is scrunch up my face and groan.

Please note the relative position of the kid's feet to the Dad's "groin"

Someone helped me out of the freezer. I stood with my hands on my knees panting like someone who’s just finished running a 440. Mikey reached out to me offering to share a well gummed, half eaten cookie. I smile and croaked out, “no thanks”.

I slowly, slowly like an octogenarian finished the last little bit of shopping pushing the cart with my arms extended as far in front of myself as possible to stay clear of the little guy's deadly feet.

We checked out, the bagger helped load the car and I drove home.

As soon as I pulled into the driveway, my wife came out of the house. “Are you all right,” she asked? “Sure, why?” was my response as we let Mike out of the car and went inside, groceries temporarily ignored. (They walked inside, I shuffled).

“Well, I’ve had 3 phone calls in the last 10 minutes from people asking me if you’re all right and saying that you had some kind of accident at HyVee.” (Bear in mind that this was before cell phones).

Looking up, I said, “Well, Mikey got me.”

“What do you mean he got you?”

“He accidentally kicked me and I ended up hanging my balls over the edge of a freezer,” was my response.

By now she’s trying not to laugh. The phone rang. She picked it up listened for a few seconds and said, “Here, it’s for you”.

“Walt, this is Al.” was what greeted me. Al was the general manager of HyVee in Algona. “Heard you had a problem in the store today, are you OK?”

“Yeah,” I replied, “I just got kicked by my son while he was in the cart.”

“Oh, that’s right. You had your vasectomy yesterday. Doc told me about it…..”

So, I spent the rest of the weekend resting up my “parts”. Skipped church the next morning and got ready to hear about my “incident” at HyVee incessantly on Monday. The only thing I could do was laugh!

And that’s life in a small town. Everybody knows you. Everybody knows your business. You know, if I had to choose, I guess I’d choose that rather than the impersonal anonymity that seems to be the norm today where no one knows you, or cares to know you.

Cheap Bastid's School, Slaw & Sliders

Once again, Cheap Bastid got either too hungry or too spontaneous and I didn’t take out my trusty digital camera often enough.

But I’ve been thinking about good, cheap food a lot (or is that cheap, good food?) because I like to eat. For some reason lately I’ve been on a cole slaw kick. (OK, I already know that another Foodie Tuesday poster did cole slaw this week but mine’s simpler and doesn’t use mayo which can be an advantage for a picnic).

When it’s hot (like it has been around here for the last couple of weeks—try several days in a row of 95-100 in an apartment with no A/C) a bowl of slaw can be a welcome treat. The bite of the cabbage combined with whatever other ingredients you put in it can wake up your mouth and help cool you off for a bit. And cabbage is inexpensive $.49 a lb at Frasiers where I go for produce. With just the 2 of us I find that half a head is the right amount and will make a couple of bowls of slaw.

So here’s my take on slaw (and it only takes about 5 minutes to make):

Cheap Bastid’s Southern Slaw (for 2)
¼ head of cabbage (more or less—about 3-4 cups)
Red onion (about 1/3 cup)
Juice from 2 small limes (to taste)
Sugar
Salt & pepper
And, your choice:
1 roma tomato or tomato and ½ cup cucumber or 1 granny smith apple

Prep
Chop the cabbage (it doesn’t matter if you cut it in strips or chop it—whichever you prefer just cut everything the same general shape and size). Cut up the onion and whatever other ingredients you’re using (tomato, cuke or apple). Put them all into a medium bowl. Add the lime juice, salt, pepper and sugar (about a teaspoon of sugar). TASTE IT! Then adjust the seasoning if needed.

This tastes great with its touch of sweet and sour plus just a hint of pepper bite. It’s refreshing and goes great with pretty much any meal. And, even better, it’s cheap!

Sliders

Now let’s turn our attention to Sliders. It seems as though every fast food joint on the planet has jumped on the slider bandwagon. Midwesterners have been doing sliders forever! It’s the perfect size for a pot luck when you want to offer sloppy joes or MaidRites but want it sized so that people can eat them one-handed while balancing a plate. I used to be able to buy “mini-buns” at HyVee in Iowa but can’t find them in SoCal. But I’ve found that good old fashioned dinner rolls work just fine—and I can pick up a dozen at the dollar store for a buck (no need to spend $2-$2.50 on ‘em for crying out loud.

I cooked sliders on the grill last night. It’s simple. I usually make about a 6 oz. burger patty each. So, I made 3 small, thin hamburger patties each. One advantage is that they only took about half the time to cook. And I convinced Carolyn that it would actually seem like we were eating less and we would actually eat a bit more lettuce and tomato than usual (healthier!). That’s a hell of a rationale for trying the same old thing just a bit differently isn’t it?

Anyway, I did come up with one advantage. Usually with a nice thick burger, the meat dominates and it’s messy. These are smaller and less mess (think school night dinner!). Even better is that the flavor was a lot more balanced. With each bite I could taste meat, lettuce, tomato, melted cheese, a bit of onion, and a hint of mustard. MORE FLAVOR!

Give it a try, and maybe you can cut it back to 2 sliders for a total of about 4 ounces of beef and both save money and calories! It’s a great school night meal and can be done on the grill or on the stove really quickly.

So, that’s the Cheap Bastid story for this week. Next week I’m going to start with some school night recipes. Just because the kids are back in school, you’re working all day, etc. doesn’t mean that you can’t cook a good, cheap, nutritious meal in less than a half hour and sit down to eat as a family!

That’s the Cheap Bastid Way. Eat Good! Eat Cheap! Be Grateful!

Cheap Bastid: Let's Get Spicy

Over the weekend, I did a couple of dinners which would have been really nice to write about today. But. But, I didn’t take any pictures of them.

Both of them owed their special taste to spice blends. And I love playing around with blending different combinations of spices. Like pretty much everything I cook though, I’m getting more and more simplistic and minimalistic. But I still thought that today would be a good day to talk about how spices are a minimal investment which can make a big difference.

I just cleared out the spice cupboard and count 30 different spices that I have on hand. Now there are a few that aren’t used that often like File or Curry but they’re nice to have. Plus, I have a half dozen different peppers (in addition to black). I’ve got pasilla, chipotle, cayenne, green, habanero and chili flakes (not to mention sriachi, habernero and jalapeno sauces). We like things with just a bit of kick to them!

So I just “consulted” the cookbook I wrote for my kids 2 Christmases ago. There’s a section on “Kitchen Basics” where I list the spices needed in setting up a kitchen. There are 15 of them. Here they are:

Spices (*= must have)
Salt* Coarse Black Pepper* (not fine)
Garlic Powder* Onion powder*
Ground Oregano* Paprika
Cumin Basil
Cayenne* Ancho chili powder
Chipotle chili powder Ground Mustard
Ground Ginger All spice
Thyme

Notice that there are only a half dozen “must haves” and you can do quite a bit with them. But if you want to get more creative, you’ll have to add to the selection.

I have 2 spice blends that I’m never without. I always keep a batch on hand. One is really basic and the other is really well known. I’m going to give you the recipes and bear in mind that the “quantities” are “parts” so that no matter how much or little you’re making you can keep the proportion. Plus, customize these to your own taste!

Basic Spice Blend
1 Kosher salt
1 Coarsely ground black pepper
1 coarse garlic

That’s it. It’s that simple and that basic. Use it on all manner of different things that you’re cooking—especially on the grill! And if it’s “too” much anything, just change the “formula” a bit. (1/3 of the blend as salt can be a bit much for a lot of folks—including me).

Emeril’s Essence (yep, that Emeril)
6 parts Paprika
2 parts Salt
2 parts Pepper
2 parts Garlic Powder
1 part Onion Powder
1 part Cumin
1 part Ground Oregano
1 part Ground Thyme
1 part Cayenne or Chipotle

I use these 2 spice blends all the time. And I do variations on them. Here’s an example: Friday night I grilled a couple of 1 ¼” boneless loin chops. All I did to season them was 1) a thin skim of oil on each side, 2) a light sprinkling of the “Basic Blend” and 3) a small pinch on each side of the chop of thyme and rosemary. Plus, I did some summer squash "planks" seasoned with "Essence" and we had a great meal. It smelled great and tasted even better.

Saturday night I did a Tri-tip on the grill. I used a blend that I call “Sweet Heat”.
Sweet Heat
3 parts Paprika
1 part salt
1 part chipotle/cayenne
1 part garlic
2 parts sugar
1 part cumin

I put really heavy coating on the meat and rubbed it in. Then I seared it on the grill (about 3-4 minutes per side on a hot grill). I removed the meat, set the grill for indirect (turned off one of the burners), wrapped the meat in foil, put it down on the cool half of the grill and left it alone for about 40-45 minutes. It came out tasty, juicy and tender and I served it with fresh, homemade Chimichurri. We’re having left-overs tonight--tri-tip sandwiches with horseradish and cheddar cheese on French rolls (4 for $1 at the dollar store). We’re having left-overs tonight.

There’s a couple of things I have discovered in seasoning food. One is that probably our favorite spices are garlic followed by cumin. Another is that there is such a thing as too much oregano (one night I got carried away and made green mud instead of red spaghetti sauce). And yes, there is such a thing as “too hot”—and our tolerance of “spicy heat” is pretty high. And, it’s really hard to get a good “lemon pepper”—it’s even hard when you make it yourself.

Now there are some who will argue that you should use fresh herbs. And I don't disagree with that--fresh thyme is better than dried for example. But it's also a lot pricier. And this is for those of us on a tight budget who want some flavor and panache. I can normally get about 80% of the flavor for about half the cost and I'll take that deal (most of the time).

So, have fun. Here’s a way to build flavor without building cost. Experiment. And, oh yes, one last little secret—write down the spice blends you create so you can remember it if you want to make it again.

That’s the Cheap Bastid way. Eat good! Eat Cheap! Be grateful!

Cheap Bastid's Fish Stick Tacos

If you're looking for fancy, gourmet, foo-foo, yuppie food this ain't it. Cheap Bastid is all about getting creative and making good food--cheap. Stick with me. You might like it.

I’ve been wanting to try my version of this Sam the Cooking Guy inspired recipe for a while. Finally, I found some on special at Stater Bros. which I thought might be able to meet the Cheap Bastid criteria of good but cheap.

I love fish tacos. I never had them until I moved to SoCal 11 years ago. Most of the time, I’ve had them at Rubios which is a franchise where fish tacos are a signature dish. I’ve had them in Tijuana where all manner of different kinds of fish find their way into tacos—once even having marlin tacos. Guy Fieri recently featured a San Diego hole in the wall restaurant’s fresh fish tacos (ahi ahi, halibut, etc.) on “Triple D” and Bobby Flay recently did one of his “Throwdown” shows in San Diego on fish tacos, going head to head and getting his butt whupped (as usual).

Hey! I lived in the Midwest for 30-some years and I’d kill for walleye or perch tacos or just a huge platter of walleye or perch filets, fries, slaw and bread like I used to get at Schartner’s in Sturgeon Bay, Wisconsin!
So, how can you put out a decent fish taco as inexpensively as possible? That was the question for the Cheap Bastid. Go to any fish counter and you’ll discover that fish is pretty expensive whether you’re looking at salmon, halibut, thresher, tilapia or even catfish. About the cheapest you’ll find is $6 a pound! So here goes. I think you’ll enjoy these.

Cheap Bastid’s Fish Stick Tacos
Frozen fish filets or sticks (1 filet per serving or 2 sticks)
Corn tortillas
1-2 cups shredded green cabbage
½ cup diced onion
½ cup diced tomato
1 lime cut in wedges
Sauce:
2 tbsp“Miracle Whip” type salad dressing
½ tbsp lime juice
Hot stuff (chipotle, cayenne, habanero)
Pop the fish sticks/filets in the oven (the Groton’s I used said 17-19 minutes at 425 but that gets them a bit too crispy so I would suggest 375 for about 12 min, then flip them over for another 5).
While the fish is in the oven, cut up the onion and tomato and shred the cabbage. Mix the sauce. Put the seasonings in the sauce a little at a time, sample and adjust to taste. Don’t just dump hot stuff into it, burn your tongue and then blame me for making it too hot! I’ve made that goof too many times to count. But, you’ll need a bit more seasoning than usual so that you can taste it through the “mayo” and lime. I ended up using chipotle, cayenne AND a dash of habanero sauce but maybe I’ve got a leather tongue compared to most people. By the way, if you prefer, use sour cream mixed with chipotle or cayenne instead.

Let the filets/sticks cool for a few minutes. Then pop 2-4 tortillas into the microwave for 20-30 seconds to soften them. Put a filet (or 2 fish sticks) in the tortilla, spoon a healthy dollop of the sauce on top along with some onion and tomato and cabbage and enjoy. Squeeze some lime juice over the mix, wrap the tortilla over the top and you’re ready to enjoy!

Cheap Bastid Test:
How’d this do with the Cheap Bastid budget? The fish sticks, on sale, were $4 for a package of 10—and that’s the best deal I could find. So it cost 40 cents per taco for fish. I spent $2.50 on a dozen tortillas. (Here’s a lesson for you—Cheap Bastid ended up making separate trips yesterday for tortillas and limes because I forgot to get them when I was doing the regular grocery shopping. The limes cost the same but I spent $1.50 MORE on tortillas than I would have otherwise). That means each tortilla cost about 20 cents. The rest added about a quarter per taco. Tomatoes are $.77 a pound, cabbage is $.49 a pound and onions are $.49 and limes are 10 for $1. Let’s add a quarter per taco for these and a dime for the sauce, OK?

So, I spent 95 cents per taco. They’re $1.89 at Rubios. Not bad. But I ate 3 and so did Carolyn. That means we spent $5.70 which compares to $11.34 at Rubios. OK, not bad but it’s more than other “heartier” meals that Cheap Bastid makes. On the plus side, these were pretty good fish tacos, excellent for a warm summer evening and a bit of a treat. Give ‘em a try.

That’s the Cheap Bastid way. Eat good! Eat Cheap! Be grateful!

Cheap Bastid Sausage, Pasta & 10 Minute Sauce

If you ever get a chance to watch a cooking show on TV called “Sam the Cooking Guy”, it’s well worth it. Sam Zien is an amateur cook in San Diego who has generated a following over the last several years. He has his own local show, has had one on Discovery Health and has had numerous appearances on the Today show as well.

Sam specializes in cooking simple, minimalist dishes which provide incredible, gourmet flavor but which use common ingredients that you can find in most pantries or fridges. I’ve got a copy of his cookbook, “Just a Bunch of Recipes” and enjoy it. You can also find his stuff on thecookingguy.com.

Today’s Cheap Bastid offering is a variation on something from Sam. He has a simple dish, Italian sausage with peppers and onions which I have taken to the next step. I add some tomato, garlic and spices and then serve it over either spaghetti or cheese grits. Today I’m going to do it with spaghetti.

What I really like about it is that this is a great, 10 minutes spaghetti sauce that has great flavor but without the heaviness of traditional sauce which makes it terrific during the summer. So here goes:

Cheap Bastid’s Sausage, Pasta & 10 Minute Sauce

4 Italian sausages (sweet or spicy—most “spicy” ones aren’t that hot so I add chili flakes to the mix)
3-4 Roma tomatoes
2 cups1 bell pepper--red, green, yellow (cut into 1 ½” strips)
1 cup of onion in strips (cut in strips)
1-2 cloves garlic (to taste)
¼ cup wine or sherry
Salt
Pepper
Basil
Chili flakes
1 lb spaghetti or fettucine

Prep: Cut sausages into 2 inch hunks (note: I like to cut in half lengthwise too—it makes for more “bites” of sausage). Cut peppers & onion into strips and chop the tomatoes. Garlic too if you’re using whole (Cheap Bastid uses chopped garlic in the jar from Gilroy).

Cooking: Get out large skillet and pot for pasta. Heat skillet over medium high and toss in the sausage. Turn heat down just a skosh. Brown the sausage. Put about a half gallon of water in your spaghetti pot and put it on to boil. When cooked remove sausage with slotted spoon reserving the fat.

Salt the spaghetti water and add the pasta. Turn that down just a skosh too. Reheat skillet over medium and put in peppers, onion and garlic. If needed add a tablespoon of cooking oil (canola or olive).


Saute the veggies for 2-3 minutes just until they start to soften then add the tomatoes, salt & pepper, chili flakes and basil. When tomatoes soften put the sausage back in and taste the concoction. Adjust seasonings if needed. Turn heat down to low.


As soon as the pasta is al dente remove it from the heat and drain. Add about a tablespoon of oil to the finished pasta and then put the pasta in the skillet with the sausage and sauce. Mix everything together and serve. (Or you can keep the pasta and sauce separate for individual servings if you want).

This is a nice, tasty, light summery pasta dish. The sauce doesn’t get “heavy”, that’s what I really like about it. It’s all fresh and can be cooked in just a few minutes.

Cheap Bastid Test: How’d this do with a budget? Well, 4 Italian sausages are about a pound and I buy it for $2.29 a pound. The tomatoes are about a pound and they’re $.77 a pound. The peppers cost about $1 and the onion about $.25. Barilla pasta was on special for $1. So, the total for a dinner for 4 or dinner for 2 and lunch for 3 was $5.24. Add a nice salad to this and maybe some garlic toast and you’ve got a feast for about another buck. That’s pretty good! How much would this be at Romano’s Macaroni Grill, Olive Garden or Bucca de Beppa? About $12 to $15 per person?

That’s the Cheap Bastid way! Eat good. Eat cheap. Be grateful.

Cheap Bastid's Homemade Enchiladas & Sauce!

I love enchiladas, especially New Mexico style. But I haven’t really tried making them very often because I just don’t like the taste of the “enchilada sauce” that you buy in a can. It always has a faintly metallic taste that I don’t care for.

So, I took off on a quest to come up with a recipe for enchiladas and a homemade sauce that fit “Cheap Bastid’s” criteria: inexpensive (OK, cheap), tasty and easy to make. And, I think that I was able to get that done reasonably well. I searched the web for recipes and came up with several which I kind of cobbled together to come up with the one I’m using here. There’s 2 recipes—one for enchilada sauce and one for enchiladas. Both are easy although the enchiladas get just a bit messy when you’re assembling them.

Enchilada Sauce
2 tbsp flour
¼ cup good chili powder (New Mexico or Cali)
½ tsp chipotle or cayenne
8 oz can tomato sauce
Ground cumin
Garlic powder
Onion powder
Salt
1 ½ cups water
¼ cup vegetable oil

Mix flour, chili powder & chipotle/cayenne in a small bowl. Put skillet on medium heat and add oil. You’re going to make a simple roux. Add the flour blend and immediately start to whisk it. (My first effort to do this burned the flour blend because I was using too much heat so stay with medium). Whisk until smooth which will only take a couple of minutes.

Add tomato sauce, water and the remaining spices and turn the heat down to medium low—a simmer. You want a consistency that is thicker than water but not “gloppy”. How much spice to add? Enough! We like cumin so I go a bit “heavy” on it. But remember, add spices—then taste it! You can always add more and the longer the sauce simmers, the more the spices will blend in.


If needed, add another quarter cup of water. Bear in mind that when you use the sauce on the enchiladas that it will thicken up a bit more in the oven. This made just enough to make the enchiladas. If you want to have some to pour over the finished enchiladas you may wish to double the recipe. Taste the sauce as it simmers and adjust the spices to your taste (in other words if you want it spicier add some more chipotle or cayenne). I added a couple of good squirts of habanero sauce because we like things spicier than most people.

Now you’re ready to get making the enchiladas.

Cheap Bastid’s Easy EnchiladasEnchilada sauce
2 cups (8 oz. jack or mozzarella cheese) shredded
1 lb shredded meat (chicken, beef or pork)
12 corn tortillas
9x13 inch glass baking dish
Green onions (for garnish)
Chopped tomato (for garnish)
Sour Cream

Some recipes call for a quick frying or baking of the tortillas and some don’t. Tyler Florence from Food Network said to just microwave them for about 30 seconds. I did some microwaved and some with no heating and I think just a bit of microwaving works best. It makes the tortilla just a bit more pliable as you load it and fold it into the dish. So put a short stack of 4 on a microwave dish and zap them for about 30 seconds on high. Load those, then do 4 more.

Whatever meat you use—chicken, pork shoulder or beef (chuck/bottom round/ground) is best shredded. Use 2 forks or your hands and put it in a bowl. Shred the cheese and put it in a bowl. Pour enough sauce in the baking dish to just cover the bottom when you spread it out with the back of a spoon. Put the rest of the sauce in a wide opening bowl.

Use your hands. Get messy—you’ll want to wear an apron! Dip the tortilla into the sauce to coat it (actually what worked best for me was to hold the tortilla over the bowl and dip sauce out with my fingers and then “fingerpaint” the tortilla—it coats the tortilla and “saves” sauce.

Hold the coated tortilla in your hand, put a couple tablespoon’s worth of meat in the middle then about a tablespoon of cheese (again I used my fingers). Roll the edges of the tortilla over the meat and cheese then lay it in the baking dish, folded side down. Do this for each tortilla. Then pour sauce over the top and sprinkle the rest of the cheese over that and your ready to bake. Cover with foil.

Put the baking dish in an 375 degree oven for about 15 minutes and you’re ready to go. Plate with 2 enchiladas topped with extra sauce, sour cream and garnished with green onion and tomato.

(I cook. I'm not a food stylist!)

Cheap Bastid’s budget:

So did this meet the “cheap” requirement. Pretty much. I figured that it cost $7.50 for the ingredients using boneless, skinless chicken breast, block cheese shredded, tomato sauce, tortillas, and spices. That fed 3 people generous dinner portions and was enough for lunch for 2 the next day. Three dinners and 2 lunches in a Mexican restaurant would set you back about $45.

The other thing to remember is that if you do this with roast pork or roast beef, that the meat can do “double duty.” Plan your meat purchase so that you can have a roast beef or pork dinner with enough left-over for enchiladas. You can cook the roast beef or pork, shred it and then freeze it for when you want to make enchiladas or BBQ sandwiches, etc. That stretches your food budget farther, reduces waste and increases taste!

If you use ground beef, remember I trick myself by using 12 oz. as a pound. It works! I also buy “London Broil” (bottom round) or boneless chuck when it’s on special (usually about $1.60-$1.75/lb.) and the grocery store grinds it for free. Ground London Broil is about 90-95% lean and ground chuck is 80-85% lean).

Plus, I discovered a couple of other things. Two 8 oz. cans of Hunts tomato sauce costs $1 at my grocery store. One 16 oz can of Hunts tomato sauce costs $1.39. An 8 oz. container of sour cream was $1.35 while a 16 oz. was $1.69. So we did baked potatoes last night with sour cream.

I hope you enjoy this recipe. It’s a work in progress and I’ll be tinkering with it the next time I cook it. That’s the fun of cooking! Getting creative in making stuff that tastes good and saves you money. That’s the “Cheap Bastid” way.