Damn Birds!

I got a new hummingbird feeder for Father’s Day from my daughter. We now have 2 hanging on the balcony. The new one holds twice as much nectar as the old one. Except the damn birds won’t touch the old one now. They insist on using the new one.

But that’s OK. Except it’s hanging over my grill and now my grill is getting hummingbird crap on it. Damn birds.


And with 2 feeders you’d expect to be able to accommodate twice as many hummies. Nope. Now one a-hole male hummingbird can chase other hummies away from 2 feeders. It’s made for more interesting squabbles this summer and more near collisions between zooming hummies and humans. Just an hour or so ago I was standing and talking to my wife when 2 birds came zooming along diving below the rail. One cut in front of my belly the other behind me in a flurry of whirring as the butthead male chased a female away.

And I just went out and checked because I heard the chirping of the other birds that have discovered and tried to take over the new feeder. There’s a pair of Hooded Orioles which have taken up residence in a nearby palm tree and they like to hang out at the feeder and slurp up the nectar. Their beaks can get into the feeder. They’re probably 5 times as big as a hummingbird and they’re the ones who are probably slurping up all the nectar.

But that’s summer here on our balcony. Lots of busy birds. In about 2 months, when it’s migration time, there’ll be a lot more hummingbirds stopping by for a few days on their way to Mexico.


By then Ozzie and Sharon will have moved on and the hummies will enjoy the monopoly of the feeder. Ozzie and Sharon are what we call the oriole pair as in Ozzie and Sharon Oriole (named of course after the Osbournes).

Ozzie and Sharon are kind of shy. I’ve been trying like crazy to get their picture. They’re not like the hummies and won’t come over when there’s anyone else on the balcony so I try to sneak up on them. I keep my camera handy so all I have to do is get the balcony door open, stick the camera out and snap away but they take off well before I can stick the camera outside—just as soon as they see or sense the motion.

Looks like I got busted by Sharon! She's giving me the kind of dirty look my wife gives me when I'm being a jerk.

So I noticed that the feeder is in full view of our bedroom window. I put the camera on the desk and pulled the vertical blinds apart so there’s a full time view of the feeder. Then when I hear them outside slurping nectar, I go into the bedroom, turn on the camera and start snapping as fast as I can. The only problem is that the view is through a screen and the lightmeter isn’t reading the outside light. But, I finally managed to get a couple of pictures.

Hooded Orioles are really cool looking. The male is bright yellow with black marking on the wings and head. The female reminds me a bit more of a meadowlark with more of a lemon yellow and grey set of markings. And sometimes Ozzie and Sharon will be on the feeder together sounding almost as though they’re having an argument back and forth before bending back to their sipping and then chasing one another into the trees.

But, now I’ve got to go out and pluck the feeder off it’s nail because it needs more nectar. They’re like kids. They never, ever say thank you! Damn birds.

Feeding the Birds--Hummingbird Don't Fly Away

We’ve been feeding hummingbirds on our balcony for about 4 years now. For some reason, they’ve gotten a lot more interesting the last month or so.

We’re used to these miniscule critters zooming up to the feeder, spreading their tail feathers at the last second and putting the brakes on to a hover right at their perch. And we’re used to watching the dominant male try to protect the feeder and keep any other bird except himself from getting access.

There’s a social dynamic at play. And right now I can hear about the 23rd squabble of the day of several hummies arguing over who gets to sit where.

Lately we’ve had a couple of interesting dominant males. First was Squatter. (We tend to try to give the ones we can identify interesting or descriptive names which have ranged from Durante to Miss Peeps to Butthead). Squatter seemed to think that the feeder belonged to him and him alone. The only time this changed was one day when a Rufous hummingbird (the smallest but most aggressive) came by and spent about an hour kicking his ass!

He would hang out and chase any and all other hummies away. He would grip the wire holding the feeder and keep a watch out pretty much all day—changing position seemingly to keep his legs from getting too tired. He wasn't all that bright though. He was clever enough to find a nail sticking out of a rafter and perch on it but, whenever he'd leave it to "guard" the feeder, he wouldn't be able to find it again. Any hummie that came by got chased away and suddenly there was little nectar being drunk. This went on for over a month and we got to the point where we were really hoping for him to move on.

And after him there was Bomber. Bomber was cool. He would do exactly what his name implies. He would sit on a phone wire about 40 feet away from the feeder and wait. As soon as 3 hummies sat on the perches (not 2 or 4 but 3) he’d launch himself. He’d zoom full speed at the feeder and put the brakes on the last couple of feet scattering the feeding hummies. I watched him do the same thing dozens of times. It was like watching a bowling ball going down the alley and smacking dead solid into the 1-3 pocket exploding pins in all different directions (OK, get that sound going in your head! That’s what always went through mine whenever he’d do that).

It seemed as though he loved doing that. Then he’d chase the birds away. Sometimes the birds would get smart and wait for him to chase the others away and sneak back for a quick chug-a-lug until he reversed course and smacked into the lone hold-out. And, as the photo shows, he also got so he liked to sit on the top of a succulent plant just a couple of feet from the feeder waiting for the dumb birds to try to land on the feeder and drink. Then he only had to fly 2 feet rather than 40.

Bomber only lasted a couple of weeks. Now we’ve got a new bunch. This is the most raucous, obnoxious group of birds yet. They’re incredibly entertaining—and thirsty. There doesn’t seem to be a dominant male so chaos rules the day. And, they’re greedy!

There have been times when it would take 3-4 days for the birds to empty a feeder. We know they’re hungry and that there’s a bunch of them if they empty it in 1 day. Lately they’ve been emptying it twice a day! That’s mainly because there’s 8 birds around and no one’s trying to hog the feeder and chase the rest away.

We’ve got what we call the “follies” every evening right at sundown. That’s when all the birds try to get their last “feeding” of the day. When Squatter and Bomber were around, they’d try to keep the other birds away even during the follies. The best follies we’ve ever had was one night with 10 birds zooming around the 4-perch feeder and the same night when there were actually 7 birds sitting at the feeder at once (yep, 3 of the perches had 2 birds each).

Now, we’re getting the follies pretty much all day long where there are anywhere from 6-8 birds hovering around—rotating around the feeder like it’s some kind of merry-go-round. These little critters are slurping, pooping machines. And they’re incredibly fun to watch.

A sociologist might have a great time trying to make sense of the dynamic of these birds. I love it when the females decide to fight back against the dominant male. Or when a 2nd male decides he wants to be the ruler. They’ll fight, slapping each other with their wings, pecking their long beaks at each other and sometimes tumble all the way to the ground. A lot of the time they’re more entertaining than anything on TV.

But, I have to go now. It’s 10:30 a.m. and there’s less than a half inch of nectar left so I have to make some more or else they’ll be mad and chewing me out. By the way, if you want to feed hummies, get a feeder with perches for them to sit—they cost less than $10. And, the “Cheap Bastid” recipe for the nectar is ¼ cup of sugar to 1 cup of water plus you can add a drop or so of food color if you want.

The World From Our Balcony 1

We’ve been feeding hummingbirds for about 3 years now. The feeder is hung on our second story balcony convenient to any of the little critters who are always passing through our neighborhood.

The birds pretty much transit through here hanging around for 3 or 4 weeks before moving on. I’m not real sure of the varieties but my Google search suggests that we get a lot of Anna’s and Broadtails. The one thing I am sure of is the difference between males and females. As in much of the animal world, males have brighter plumage and are more distinctive looking than the females and like males the world over try to be the bully boss of everything. The males can get so protective of this little spot of territory that none of the birds gets much time at what we call the “big ugly flower”.

We tend to give the birds descriptive names when identify individuals. We had one scruffy looking one with a growth on its beak we named Durante. Recently there was a really pudgy female we called Big Bertha.

We upgraded the feeder a couple years back to one which has perches so the birds can light and rest while drinking. Sometimes the birds cooperate and let the feeder fill up with 3 or 4 birds and sometimes its as though they’re afraid someone will get more than they will so they chase any other birds away. It can be great fun watching them soar around (I’ve been buzzed many times by hard charging hummingbirds chasing one another). And occasionally they’ll even share and all 4 perches will be active at once. We’ll have anywhere from 3 to 10 birds which come by for a drink at the feeder at any one point in time.

A few months back we had a first which was 5 birds drinking at once (2 sharing one perch). But the best was about a month and a half ago when one evening we counted 10 birds buzzing around the feeder during what we call “the follies” which is at dusk when all the birds want to get their “last call” before heading off to roost. This night there were 10 birds perching or hovering around at one time and we counted 7 on the perches at once. And of course, as so often happens, there’s one more aggressive bird which has to come charging in, pushing and shoving and scatter all the others off the feeder in a burst of whirring, flapping wings.

It’s entertaining and it’s also a reminder of how we interact with one another. There’s plenty of nectar if we take our turn and share. But, you know, there always seems to be one jerk who wants it all for himself and who has to try to prove his self-importance by squawking the loudest and making the biggest fuss. Sound familiar? Yeah, we’ve all seen people like that. We’re not so different from the hummingbirds. We’re just bigger and can’t fly.

But man is it fun to watch these little birds fly around and maneuver. Instant acceleration. Stop and hover on a dime. For the cost of about a half cup of sugar a week, it’s terrific entertainment and a lesson in how to get along (or not get along) with others. Plus, they’ll really let us know by hovering close and squawking if the nectar runs out. I even had one fly into our apartment one day—apparently just to check us out.

That’s a bit of the world from our balcony. The hummingbirds make it a more enjoyable world.